You’re tempted to peak into your friends’ or neighbors’ bedrooms just to see how your sex life measures up. Are they doing it as rarely as you? Are they switching things up now and then? What would an expert say?
What about bringing some spark in the bedroom by using sex toys? You can always check out blogs that write sex-toy reviews to learn more.
Here are 11 signs of a healthy sex life and some tips to improve things.
1. You Tell Each Other What You Want
You don’t expect your partner to read your mind and vice versa. They are always open to responding and learning what you want. If you’re finding it hard to share, maybe try texting them about your fantasies rather than declaring it face-to-face.
2. You Switch Things up now and Then
Women and men alike ‘fake it’ sometimes. It’s a very common practice. Women fake orgasms a lot more often than men. They make certain sounds, like gasping or moaning, move faster or in ways to make their partner think they’re coming.
It’s far more challenging for men to fake one as they typically ejaculate. Some men hurry to dispose of the condom before his partner realizes he hasn’t come.
The reasons men and women fake orgasms are similar. Usually, they know they won’t come and want to end the encounter.
Still, chances are your partner can tell you’re not enjoying it. Many couples complain they are stuck in a rut, like a boring routine, and are starting to feel disinterested in sex. Changing positions, rooms, or outfits can make the encounter exciting again despite requiring some extra effort.
3. You’re not Afraid to Experiment
Another way is adding toys. These start from the most basic, like dildos and vibrators, but also include more advanced stuff like BDSM and pegging kits similar the ones you can find on HotCherry. No matter what your thing is, you’re not afraid to practice and embrace it.
4. You Like Your Body
A University of Texas study on women in reproductive age showed the most satisfied sexually also had the highest scores on a body image scale. Obviously, focusing on your physical imperfections distracts you from potentially pleasurable feelings. This can also impact your ability to orgasm. Exercise has been shown to improve confidence and self-esteem, regardless of whether you’re losing weight or not.
Surprisingly, research shows listening to your heartbeat can improve your self-esteem. So can other activities that involve introspection and listening to your body’s signals.
5. You Don’t Know How Often You do It
You might be getting intimate once a month or every day. It varies depending on different factors, and you never focus on the number. Research has demonstrated counting how often you do it is far from the most optimal way to assess your sex life.
The Journal of Economic Behavior & Organization published a study, in which researchers told randomly selected couples to multiply how often they did it by two. Then, the results were compared to a control group, who didn’t double the number of sexual encounters. Those who had started doing it more often did not feel better about that or about themselves.
Researchers explained the results as follows: pressuring yourself to do it more often reduces satisfaction because it becomes a chore. Sex might become more enjoyable if you start going on date nights or traveling to new places. This creates a natural occasion to do it more often.
6. You Schedule It Sometimes
This seems counterintuitive and contradictory to the first. Feeling spontaneously lustful isn’t always necessary to have a good time. It might be a good idea to schedule sex if you’re constantly being distracted by work, children, and responsibilities in general.
Plan your night around sex. If you have kids, put them to bed. Eat light so you’re not stuck with a huge number of dishes or left feeling stuffed. Do something to reduce stress, like enjoying a funny film or listening to soothing music.
7. You Like It
You enjoy having sex with your partner regardless of whether you orgasm or not or how often you do it. You are in a better mood and feel closer to them afterwards. Ask yourself if that’s the case.
8. You Don’t Have Mercy Sex
Also known as pity sex, this is where (usually) women do it because their partner wants to. It’s the last thing on their mind. While pity sex may be acceptable now and then, having it regularly might teach you to perceive it as a mundane and menial task.
If you’re not feeling it, it’s fine to say no. If you do reject your partner, try to be the active party the next time. This will show him you still have passion for him.
9. You Enjoy Being Together
There is an important connection between happiness in the relationship and sexual satisfaction. Aspects like feeling good about the frequency, with which you have sex, having interest in sex, and arguing about it rarely or never are part of the overall concept of satisfaction according to a study published in Social Science Research.
Satisfaction in your relationship augments physical attraction, and better sex is the natural outcome of this according to the research. If you’re still physically attracted to your partner, your sex life is healthy.
10. You Don’t Mind Skipping It
Now and then, we get stuck in a slow stretch. Sex doesn’t have to be intense and passionate to be healthy. The frequency will vary. Your sex life is healthy if you’re open with your partner about when you want it and when you don’t and you accept there’s no right or wrong way to be sexual.
11. You Embrace Dirty Talk
A racy vocabulary is connected to higher satisfaction for women and men. It might mean sexting in the middle of the day or whispering something naughty into their ear. A study published in the Journal of Integrated Social Sciences showed sexual banter correlates with sexual satisfaction. It is a little thing people do to and for each other’s benefit that sustains their physical and emotional bond.