There are so many married couples who come to me with the same question every day: we have lost the spark in our relationship.
This generally happens in long-term relationships and the problem doesn’t start 10 years later but in fact, the seed of the problem is sown once just after the honeymoon phase ends. That is usually after 1.5 – 2 after marriage.
I know that your marriage wasn’t just based on the physical beauty of each other. But do you remember when you were young, you were taught that the basic needs of humans include, Food, Water, Shelter, Clothing, and SEX?
We have seen long-term marriages and relationships being broken, not because of infidelity, not because of anything else but just because the couples stopped finding each other attractive, and weren’t making love often, leading to one of them feeling unwanted and insufficient.
But here is the thing, it is normal and the marriages that are successful learn to overcome it, and you can do it too.
I have seen couples who are in their late sixties and are completely satisfied with their partners from all aspects – emotional or physical. Now, they are clearly way ahead of the honeymoon phase, so how do they do it? Isn’t that a question popping up in your head?
Well, it is not just sex, (which is surely happening) that has played a role in their lives. It is a lot of other aspects that cumulatively help keep your marriage on track.
1. Do all the things you did in the honeymoon phase
When you both first got to know each other, there were a lot of intimate things you both were doing as a couple, which was not sex. This included hugging, kissing, holding hands, going out for dates, dinners, or late-night movies.
There’s a high chance that with time a lot of this has eventually dried out. To rekindle the lost spark of your relationship back and to get your marriage back to track, start doing everything (and more) again!
You may have stopped taking efforts thinking that you are too old for this or that you have done all of this in the past. Or many couples stop doing this thinking that they are “evolving”. They could not be more wrong.
The reason you did all of this in the first place was love, not lust. And love in your relationship should never end. Here is the thing, intimacy is not just sex and it’s always good to remind yourself and your partner about the love that led to this relationship.
2. Make Love (lots of it!)
Before I delve into more details about sex, let’s first discuss the analogy of working out. Most of us here do not like to work out. But each one of us can agree to the fact that we feel great after a workout session. It happens because of various reasons like our body releases happy hormones like endorphins.
Now, when you were young, you never thought about this but there will come a time in your life, where you do not feel like having sex with a long-term partner. This can be for various reasons and it’s completely normal.
But like working out, if you still have sex, you still climax, and so does your partner, you still will reap the benefits of sex, one of which is deeper bonding with your partner.
3. Boost your sexual performance
You will only be able to reap the benefits of having sex in your relationship if you are good at it and the act is pleasurable for both parties. The number one question men ask after getting into the act is, “did you climax”? But here is the thing, you will not have to ask this question, it is pretty much evident when your partner climaxes.
This question arises because men can climax within a few minutes of penetration, and women can sometimes take up to 20 minutes. Infact, some women just can’t climax only through penetration. They need other forms of stimulation but this totally depends on your partner’s preferences.
But the thing is, everyone can get better in bed and it is just not about the size. If you are going to base your self-respect on the size of your penis, it is game over. A lot of factors are important when it comes to being better in bed, but the most important one is communicating.
Every woman is different and they all want something different and when you keep talking, the act will not only be pleasurable but also more transparent. There are a lot of articles online to help you get better and you eventually get better once you start having a lot of it. And now that you are going to have a lot of it, don’t forget to check out condomania.com for pleasurable alternatives of safe sex! 😉
4. Recognize what the problem is
It is not always about intimacy and sex. Sometimes the root of the problem can be health, finances, distance, or even trust. The fact that you are a workaholic, can affect your spouse in a negative way even if you are providing everything to your family.
You need to recognize the problem in the first place and then do something about it. Doing something about it is the easy part but recognizing the problem is the problem sometimes.
5. Learn to accept
In a successful marriage, the spouses do not just love each other for their perfections but they love each other for their flaws, limitations, vulnerabilities, and insecurities. No one on this planet is perfect, and the sooner you accept it, especially in your partner, the more joyful your relationship will be.
These imperfections can be on the physical, mental, and emotional aspects. To thrive in married life, you not just have to accept the limitations, love your partner for those imperfections.
Over to you…
In the end, remember, any successful marriage has a lot of work going behind the scenes that are not visible to the third eye. Despite what social media shows you, the truth is that every marriage has its own set of struggles and problems, it is what they do about the problems that make the marriage successful.