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#fuckedup819,323 POSTS

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I have swallowed thousands of pills in an attempt to quell my mental illness. Uppers for depression, downers for anxiety. Pills to sleep, pills to wake up. Some made me manic, some made me not give a fuck. Some did not a fucking thing at all. Others made me a zombie and made me neglect myself entirely. Big Pharma must have made thousands of off my ass by now. The last new med I tried literally cost $1200 for a 30day supply. Luckily I have insurance. And as usual, it didn't help, only succeeded in making me hyper-somnolent & fat. It's a running joke with my psychiatrist that I have tried every med in the book & few actually work. So when a new one comes out I am his lab rat. Here lately, I have given up all but two, my anxiety med & my sleeping pill, because I am well at this point addicted to it. No pill=no sleep. And I take my anxiety med to help control my social anxiety & generalized anxiety disorder. Without it I probably would never leave the fucking house. In my opinion, doctors have always been too quick to solve the world's problems with a magic pill. The only pills I have ever gotten addicted to have been given to me in good faith by doctors. A decade or more ago the fuckers gave me Valium & Xanax to deal with anxiety & insomnia, which was a nice pair of epic downers. I kicked that shit only to rekindle my love of benzodiazepines years later with a prescription of the milder Klonopin. (Even to this day, my mouth waters at the pure mention of benzos. Here I am practically fucking drooling like Pavlov's fucking dog.)
It got to where I couldn't work or sleep without the shit because I got so anxious without it. I would shake if people touched me unexpectedly or when I had to touch people. Which is a crapshoot for a nurse because people are always interacting with you. So I fucking quit work & stopped taking all my meds. A short time later my son was conceived & after a physically grueling pregnancy, I had a beautiful, healthy boy. I would not be so lucky....but that is another story. #lifestory #addiction #mentalhealth #mentalillness #mentalhealthawareness #fuckedup #poetsofinstagram #poetrycommunity #theangelinthedarkness #depression #anxiety #insomnia
User Image _oh_my_feels_ Posted: Mar 20, 2018 8:50 PM (UTC)

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*might delete later* this world is fucked. kids and teens are depressed and suicide is common cause things go unseen. humans are cruel. friends are hard to trust. the whole world is just fucked. social media is part of the reason but it's also the thing that's saving most teens. it's easy to reach out to people. i just don't think anyone deserves to feel or do the fucked up things they do. someone cares about you for god sakes. some people don't show it but deep down someone gives a fuck about you. if you don't want help, fine but if you want things to get better reach for help. please. It's life but they're are so many things to live for. what's going on now isn't going to effect your future. this is only a temporary thing. i swear to you life will become so much better if you are patient. you just got to wait. you are strong and i know it so fight through this. things will and can get better. you have to put that in ur head. if not you'll make things worse. believe that it will get better and it will. you have to suffer in order to heal. this isn't the end. if you need someone to talk 2 please feel free to dm me. i'm here and whatever it is, we will pull through this together. #selfharm #hate #hurt #depression #heartbreak #suicide #fml #killme #endmylife #sadedits #depressingedits #suicidal #help #kms #blades #fuckedup #drugs #numb #dead #done #broken #sad #death
User Image jackallssystem Posted: Mar 20, 2018 8:33 PM (UTC)

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Name: Leon
Age: 19 (I age)
Gender: Male
Status: Single
Sexuality: Gay as fuck honestly. I shot sparkles and rainbows.
Hello. ^ω^ My name Is Leon as my thing says. <ω> I am angrogynous and I am in fact male, people mistake me for a girl with my long hair and the way I dress. I am not a girl, so please use he/she pronouns when talking to me. I like horses, birds, insects, snakes, any reptile, dangerous situation (it gives me a thrill). I dislike not going out and doing things, sitting around, being told to wait, people telling me I am bad at how "I" do things. I love everyone and I am a major flirt. Even with woman I am just not attracted to 'em. Peace out. P.S I jacked off my stuffed unicorn like deadpool last night. Big huge fucking fan. (I am normally drunk. Heh) >¤< #dissociativeidentitydisorder #DiD #Iamcrazy #fuckedup #drunk #drunkalter #malealter #alternatepersonalitydisorder

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