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(Russian accent) I failed half of my shit, let's go for wine, 2 of us ~ Chris D'Elia #wine #lake #beach #poststatsexam #comedianquotes
Hate him or love him, Patrice O'Neal went for it.
"Did you partake in the miracle of human flight, you non-contributing zero?! You got to fly! It’s amazing! Everybody on every plane should just constantly be going ‘Oh my God! Wow!’ You’re flying! You’re sitting in a chair, in the sky!”. “Everything’s amazing and nobody’s happy.” --Louis C.K. #aeroplanes #flight #comedy #comedianquotes #Louis #conanobrien #tvshows #tvinterview #preciousmoments #phitographylovers
Benny was an American comedian who was appointed Chief Justice of the “Ancient and Independent Province of Beverly Hills” in June 1959 when he made this remarks. He died in December 1974 from pancreatic cancer, aged 80.

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#qouteoftheday #jackbenny #comedianquotes #lifelessons #lifehappens #lessonsinlife #acceptance #makethebestoflife #doyourbest #mentalattitude #mentalstrength #Happydisposition #getonwithit
Fuck your followers. Fuck your likes. Fuck your views... THIS!! 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙇🏻🙇🏻 @jaylenosgarage #ComedianQuotes
#SitDownLilBitch #BeHumble @kendricklamar voice
Some of you don't even have to pretend! 👺😩#ComedianQuotes @iamjamiefoxx
As a cook and a comedian, I find this quote from George Carlin especially hilarious.
Then where's all my success Lucille Ball!?