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User Image bonjourmoon Posted: Sep 5, 2012 8:33 PM (UTC)

8 Valencia
Damn. God's good.

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User Image bonjourmoon Posted: Jan 16, 2018 11:44 PM (UTC)

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i am out the door to pick up my children from play time and to return my library books (e.e cummings complete collection, an illustrated version of emily dickinson’s poetry and two recipe books) and with any luck, i will have some new mary oliver and sylvia plath to lose my breath to in my lap tonight. but before i am off, i wanted to share a beautiful string of sentences that may rearrange your insides, if you too, are ready to let go of parts of yourself that no longer feel good to carry ~ that feel more like a burden than anything else ~ and make peace with them as they leave. “today i am waking all the women i once was. i am washing the dirt from their hair i am kissing the flowers from their eyes. today i am greeting myselves with forgiveness and letting them go at the same time.” (written by pavana reddy and read ten times more beautifully in her poetic formation)
User Image bonjourmoon Posted: Jan 15, 2018 1:28 AM (UTC)

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we just got back from a huge bike ride, just him and i and gris, and running alongside him while he pedaled his wheels (making sure he didn’t take corners too fast) i thought about so many things, but a lot about what it will be like to be near him, in say, twenty six years, when he’s thirty and so many beautiful things. so many things i don’t know about yet. i thought about what our conversations will sound like, what we will talk about, how we will be next to each other as mother and son in the year 2044. and i thought about him asking what he was like, who he used to be as a child. and i think i’d like to show him this photo taken just today~ holding blooming branches, in ripped jeans and his favorite green jacket. i’ll tell him that in his left pocket was a marble, one he excitedly found in the dirt under the window, rocks, and parts of his train. and stuck on the back of his bike was a camellia he spent five very concentrated minutes positioning *just so.* and i’ll tell him that that’s who he was. a boy who loved everything.
User Image bonjourmoon Posted: Jan 13, 2018 2:42 AM (UTC)

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i hope that right now wherever you are, that you’re somewhere warm and safe and somewhere that you want to be. and i hope that if you’re not where you want to be, that you get there soon, in some way. i hope that when you go about your evening or early morning, that you know how wonderful you are. like, truly wonderful! and wildly sexy! i hope that if something happened bad this week or last month or maybe even today, something you wish you could take back or do again, that you know you’re not your mistakes and you’re not your bad days or the things you say. you are so much more. i hope that if you’re missing someone or needing someone or wishing for someone —- that somehow they feel it and find a way to get to you, even if it’s just in your dreams. i hope that right now you aren’t afraid or scared or sad, because you don’t need to be, not ever, if you have just the slightest drop of hope in your system. i hope that if you’re worried about money, that something happens soon that makes you keep believing that it will come. i hope that if you are alone tonight, like i am, alongside your children and your home — that you know you’re doing not just a good job, but a damn beautiful job. like an irreplaceable, inconceivably wouldn’t-be-the-same without you job. and if you’re alone tonight, wondering if it will always be just you and your bed and your thoughts, i hope you remember there’s magic waiting just for you. yep, just for YOU. and i hope you let yourself not worry about what you look like in that dress or how your thighs touch or how that mom over there looks like she’s got it altogether (because none of us do! we all have messy ass houses and unwashed hair and worry about everything under the sun tbh). but right now, in this very moment, what i really really hope, is that you know you look really really beautiful when you smile, especially when you think you don’t.
User Image bonjourmoon Posted: Jan 10, 2018 11:34 PM (UTC)

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i wrote these late last night — 18 small ways to combat depression and anxiety ~ which you can do right now, wherever you are. most are taken from experience, some i wish i would do (driving to the sunlight), but all were written in hopes of helping even one person. to let you know that mental illness isn’t something to be ashamed of. and that sometimes we need help. and sometimes we aren’t okay. but remember this, loves, you are not alone, not ever. and this is something you have. it isn’t who you are.💕⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
1.🌹find a way to take a hot shower, even if you have to drag yourself. strip down. get in.
2.🌹make something to eat. even if it’s toast or sliced apples. something light.brew up your favorite tea.
3.🌹get some sunlight on your skin. drive to it fifty miles away if you must. close your eyes. a few minutes will do wonders.
4.🌹don’t worry about replying to anyone. on your phone. in your inbox. there is a time for everything and everyone. do not feel guilt for this. time can be your friend, too, and it can teach you that everyone can wait except for you, right now, focused on getting better.
5.🌹make a gratitude list. even five things would be amazing. do you have eyes? you can always start there.
6.🌹find a way to be around an animal. a friendly dog and loving cat are preferred but not exclusive. i Know billy goats and bunnies can be quite loving too. notice how they love you exactly as you are — right now. no holding back.
7.🌹stay away from any ‘black mirror’ (phone screen, tv screen, computer screen etc.) for as long as you can. log out.
8.🌹pour yourself a huge glass of water. drink drink drink. then drink some more.
9🌹get out of your house for a bit. even sitting on the front steps or the balcony or wandering about the neighborhood or campus can dial down the immediacy and loud vibrations of your thoughts.
10.🌹drain whatever it is that’s plaguing you. drain it like it’s a poison - drain it onto paper or in a phone call to someone you trust or to a physician or whatever it is. you may not believe this - but people do want to help. we are hardwired for helping. look for the helpers, just like said. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀(continued in comments)
User Image bonjourmoon Posted: Jan 9, 2018 10:02 PM (UTC)

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she climbed onto the table to watch her daddy pick her some tangerines from the backyard tree, in the slightest of rain. he walked up the stairs while peeling some for her, then she made it known that she could do it for herself. and so she did. and me... well, i could only see one thing while all this happened: curls!!!!!!
User Image bonjourmoon Posted: Jan 8, 2018 7:06 PM (UTC)

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do you ever think about the things you’ve always done, for as long as you can remember? like the little things. i think about it allll the time. i can list dozens off the top of my head (twirling my hair when i’m lost in thought {lol i put that one first because i was literally twirling my hair as i wrote that above sentence }, climbing rocks when i’m seaside, dividing decades up by colors, humming loudly and closing my eyes when a commercial for scary movie comes on, never raising my hand even if i know the answer, etc ). but one thing i’ve done, i suppose unconsciously (i didn’t realize i did it until i watched fiorella sitting under my dresses in my closet this morning) is going through my mom’s closet and just simply smelling her clothes, pinpointing exactly which perfume she was wearing or which detergent she used and remembering where she wore that certain blouse, how she looked, what she was doing. i remember so vividly being a little girl and sitting in her closet on top of her shoes, which were under her clothes lined up in pairs, and just hiding beside them when i missed her. i remember bringing my barbies and polly pockets into her closet when she was at work and just playing there for hours. it’s such a profound memory, isn’t it – remembering the way a person you love more than anything can come to you by touch and scent alone. i never really thought about my closet all that much until this very moment this morning, seeing my little girl sitting in my curtain of dresses wrapped around her — and about how powerful my own scent will be for her; how forgotten memories may be remembered by just holding one of my dresses or scarves to her face. it’s like when we take in their scent, we are taking them in and they are there, in a place we can’t see but feel.
User Image bonjourmoon Posted: Jan 8, 2018 1:55 AM (UTC)

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what is it about this photo? is it his childhood inside the arms of his fatherhood? or is it his fatherhood wrapped around the arms of his childhood? i don’t think it’s either, i think it’s both 🌹🕊 (p.s i remember the first time i referred to them as “my boys” ~ i was inside a whole foods and the cutie checkout lady asked if i needed a paper bag and i said no, “my boys” have have some in the stroller. i think aug was like 3 weeks old😭) 🕊
User Image bonjourmoon Posted: Jan 8, 2018 12:12 AM (UTC)

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i am preparing our sunday dinner on what feels like the coldest day of the year, but standing above the quartered tomatoes in a pale pink dress, i have to pause because: to think that in this home there is a little young man who passes rosemary under the closed door just for me, while i rocked his sister to sleep (just a few short hours ago); to think that all those times i’ve tried to teach him about picking flowers (gently, with their stem, and leaves still intact if they have any) were not in vain, since now in a small gold vase on our mantle is a white camellia from our yard picked by him, with a stem and leaves intact; to think of him passing herbs under doors or picking flowers on his walks or doing anything with the thought of someone else in mind is a tender vision, one that i dream about often — to think about him is to think about what is most beautiful in my life.
User Image bonjourmoon Posted: Jan 6, 2018 2:41 AM (UTC)

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this year already feels so different, for many reasons (both beautiful and needed and intimate) and what i have loved the most so far are the really dark, early mornings in the quiet beside their father, with our hot mugs of coffee and hardbacks — and dancing with them, on their repeated requests, to vashti bunyan’s “swallow song,” in all rooms of the house, but especially near the windows, where it’s always just a bit warmer, by just enough. they ask me to dance for them and with them and altogether at once — and no matter what i am feeling on the inside, this time being a mother to small children is so temporary. it is but a few short years. and so i dance. i push it all somewhere else, and i dance with them, as if we are the only ones in the whole world in that moment. and maybe we are, ya know. maybe we are.
User Image bonjourmoon Posted: Jan 5, 2018 12:38 AM (UTC)

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i am just sitting here trying to find a nice recipe and such and this guy, this big ole wolf of ours, is like nah, nah imma just lay right here and become ten thousand pounds and not move and wrinkle your pages and possibly rip them too and then jump off to get my ball and then jump back on again and repeat the process so on and so forth
User Image bonjourmoon Posted: Jan 4, 2018 2:25 AM (UTC)

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a combination i have loved and most likely will always love: warm water + one tapered candle + a few roses + new books + time (where every minute seems sacred) 🕊
User Image bonjourmoon Posted: Jan 3, 2018 12:53 AM (UTC)

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picked on the second morning of this hopeful new year, covered in delicate dew. i have a list folded in my pocket that i wrote this morning of all the things i want/need to become from this moment on and five words that i’ve been reciting over and over, surprisingly from the new cinderella movie we just saw this past weekend. i have never truly had a motto or life quote, but this one may very well be adopted as mine: “have courage and be kind.” how simple, how beautiful, how true.
User Image bonjourmoon Posted: Dec 31, 2017 2:28 AM (UTC)

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i like to pretend like we are friends here, like really good friends, and so i am going to pretend like i am sending this crappy photo in a massive text to you all that says “omg you guys. go get this soft dreamy cream cardigan with bell sleeves from target in the little girls section.” and then maybe you would send me a photo back of you in it too and all would be wonderful.
User Image bonjourmoon Posted: Dec 30, 2017 7:03 PM (UTC)

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🕊a morning at the ballet 🕊
User Image bonjourmoon Posted: Dec 29, 2017 9:03 PM (UTC)

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he came home the other night with a bag of groceries and these. “i know they aren’t roses, believe me i searched for them, but these kind of looked like them and i thought maybe you could pretend like they are.”
User Image bonjourmoon Posted: Dec 28, 2017 11:08 PM (UTC)

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scrubbing off the year and the build-up on those loved and worn brass candle holders and vases and giving them new life with just my hands and with just a little bit of time and patience, they become something different. they aren’t better or more beautiful because they’re shinier; they just have a new light to them. and that is what makes them beautiful ~ this new light of theirs ✨🕯 (recipe to clean your old brass: simply mix fresh lemon juice with baking soda {it will fizz} until it becomes an aromatic paste. then gently rub the brass with a cloth and rinse off in a bowl of soapy water. side note: to get the wax off, just freeze candle holders for an hour or so and dig off gently with a knife. side note two: swipe left to see them before).
User Image bonjourmoon Posted: Dec 28, 2017 7:43 PM (UTC)

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the days after christmas feel somber and clouded. the lights get slowly peeled from their place and the ornaments go back into hibernation. i walk in circles, quietly. if i don’t latch onto the light, i can easily latch onto the dark. you too? it’s a choice, i think, one we have to reset for ourselves every morning. the choice to close the door on sadness and instead turn it into an entryway for all that is good. and so i rise early. i say to myself, ‘make today better than you feel.’ and i slip on our pink gifts, and get to work.
User Image bonjourmoon Posted: Dec 28, 2017 2:07 AM (UTC)

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one of my favorite things, like ever, is inviting just one person over for dinner, and making them a little world all their own, if only for a few hours 🕯
User Image bonjourmoon Posted: Dec 25, 2017 11:00 PM (UTC)

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from our little family to yours ~ merriest and happiest christmas, you beautiful ones. i hope you’ve had at least one or two moments where you’ve felt joy today, in a way you’ve needed and absolutely deserve. love you all so, so much. 🕊
User Image bonjourmoon Posted: Dec 25, 2017 7:20 AM (UTC)

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tip-toeing and whispering and biting into cookies and carrots and stuffing stockings with oranges at the bottom, just like my grandmother did for us and setting up a teepee their father made yesterday at nap time on a whim. really really happy. really really really happy to be a mama. 🎄✨