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User Image bitsyboop Posted: Jan 18, 2018 5:32 AM (UTC)

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User Image bitsyboop Posted: Jan 10, 2018 5:36 AM (UTC)

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It’s been 3 weeks since I’ve had therapy. That’s the longest I’ve gone since I started this journey over a year and a half ago. In the beginning if I had to go two weeks between, things would build up and I could feel it inside my body and it would often come out as either a panic attack or I would get really insecure and pick at every little thing about myself. But now, through the magic of emdr and all the hard work I’ve done, I’m okay. I’ve even found myself wanting to go less. It’s become more frequent that I’ll go in and have nothing pressing on me. And if it is, then I feel fully prepared to tackle it. I’m not overwhelmed or paralyzed by my anxiety or doubts about myself worth or abilities anymore. Sure, they still pop up, but I am not letting it define my life. My mental illnesses and the way I grew up are no longer my crutch to lean on when I feel like I just can’t. I say, if I can’t right now, that’s fine, but I will soon. And that’s huge. I’ve switched from everything sucks and it’s hard and that’s just how my life’s going to be, to everything might suck right now but here’s what I’ve done and here’s what I’m gonna do to make it better. That shift in positive thinking is something I never thought I’d want, let alone have. So, in this new year I went in wanting to reground myself and refocus my energy towards my next step in life, figuring out what I want to do. I had an epiphany of sorts I guess on NYE. Don’t ask questions but all I remember is saying “all I wanna do is help people”. And that’s true, so that’s where I’m gonna start. Anyways, I’ve been thinking a lot about my journey and how sharing it on here with everyone has helped me so much because it’s a way for me to release it, but also because I’ve become connected to so many people who are so brave in sharing their stories with me. I genuinely treasure every time someone reaches out to me. Its an incredible experience and we all need to support one another in whatever way we can. You’ve all supported me and you better believe I’m here to support you. Cheers to the new year and giving a shit 🎉🎉
User Image bitsyboop Posted: Jan 8, 2018 3:15 AM (UTC)

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I’ll just let you know right now that if you ask what I’m doing for the foreseeable future, my answer will 8/10 be watching Harry Potter. They’re all on hbo now and like, I know I own them all already but, ya know. #slytherin .
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#vsco #vscocam #vscogram #vscogood #villagestyle #villagesociety #pursuepretty #savorthejourney #exploremore #adventure #travelmore #livethelittlethings #liveauthentic #livefolk #darlingweekend #thepursuitofjoyproject #theeverydayproject #thatsdarling
User Image bitsyboop Posted: Jan 6, 2018 5:55 AM (UTC)

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All I know is that I’m a heck of a lot happier with my life and myself now than this time last year. 2017 tried its fucking hardest to knock me down, but I got back up again. Just like Chumbawumba taught me.
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#vsco #vscocam #vscogrid #vscogood #villagestyle #villagesociety #theeverydayproject #thepursuitofjoyproject #thatsdarling #livethelittlethings #livefolk #liveauthentic #pursuepretty #savorthejourney #exploremore
User Image bitsyboop Posted: Jan 5, 2018 4:39 AM (UTC)

jeffrey_conway
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Just the most accurate picture of this visit. And now I’m on my way to the airport, hungover as usual. Feeling bummed as heck to be leaving already. But like, let’s be honest, I’ll probably be back real soon. #trixievibesonly
User Image bitsyboop Posted: Dec 26, 2017 2:32 AM (UTC)

wyndstorm
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We met Santa Paws so yeah, it was a pretty good Christmas.
User Image bitsyboop Posted: Dec 22, 2017 3:23 AM (UTC)

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Today I wore my pin that says “The worst is over.” Which feels fitting for this seasonal shift. It’s the shortest day of the year. In comes winter and cold and rain and possibly snow. We say goodbye to the year and examine what we have or haven’t accomplished. It’s our time to let things go that aren’t serving us and focus inward on what we crave. I’m always sad to see autumn go but I’m excited to say goodbye to whatever I don’t need and hello to any fresh new beginnings that may arise. Happy Winter Solstice!
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#vsco #vscocam #vscogrid #vscogood #villagestyle #villagesociety #pursuepretty #pnw #northwestisbest #theeverydayproject #thepursuitofjoyproject #exploremore #exploreoregon #traveloregon #mthood #pnwwonderland #livethelittlethings #liveauthentic #livefolk
User Image bitsyboop Posted: Dec 13, 2017 5:50 AM (UTC)

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A post therapy selfie a day late. Last week I had a pretty solid break through. I figured out the reason I can’t cry even though I may really really want to. We went back and I listed all the times I remember really bawling and there was a very clear pattern. It was only at times I felt abandoned. Which makes sense, since that’s always been one of my biggest triggers. My therapist told me that it seems my body as made the association of crying with the feeling of abandonment. So I basically can’t cry unless I’m having that feeling. (Except for when I cry for humanity because it has nothing to do with me as a person and is just me being super empathetic.) Cut to this week and I was expecting to cut down these walls and really work through this. But we were starting to setup the emdr and realized the fear of crying was rooted further back and has deeper ties than just the one emotion. Basically all my crying is severe trauma induced. I know it may seem weird to care that I can’t really bawl when I want to. But my body feels it. I tense up, I hold it in my shoulders, I feel sick, I get migraines, I literally leak tears in my sleep. My brain knows that I need the catharsis, the release. But my heart is scared and scarred. So, next week we will tackle this head vs heart dilemma. I’ve been given homework, to figure out what my heart might need to feel safe and it’s definitely scary to think about but I’m also feeling really grateful for the insight into myself and I know I’ll have lots of people by my side and I’m just super thankful to have surrounded myself with so many incredible and emotionally intelligent and thoughtful people. Y’all the real mvp’s.
Anyways, here’s my first real selfie with my iPhone. Ur welcome, internet.
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#vsco #vscocam #vscogood #vscogrid #villagesociety #villagestyle #theeverydayproject #thepursuitofjoyproject #thatsdarling #livethelittlethings #livethelittlethings #liveauthentic #livefolk #pursuepretty #postthepeople #honestcaptions #elizabethsbrainbattle
User Image bitsyboop Posted: Dec 4, 2017 4:48 AM (UTC)

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I'd rather be surrounded by beautiful plants with my beautiful friends again. I'll settle for eating a jar of almond butter and watching Buffy on repeat. .
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#vsco #vscogrid #vscocam #vscogood #villagestyle #villagesociety #thepursuitofjoyproject #theeverydayproject #thatsdarling #livetheadventure #livethelittlethings #liveauthentic #livefolk #pursuepretty #savorthejourney #exploremore #postmoreportraits
User Image bitsyboop Posted: Dec 3, 2017 5:03 PM (UTC)

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I learned at a young age to suppress my feelings. It was survival. If I behaved, everything could be okay a little while longer. As I got older, I I kept them down because I didn't want anyone to know what I was going through. If I acted normal, nobody would ask. I developed a tough skin and an abrasive demeanor. But I know that's not me. I feel, a lot. I sometimes feel like everything every person on the planet is feeling, is inside me. And it hurts. I feel my emotions, I feel your emotions. I feel strangers emotions in other countries that I can't even see. You could maybe call it compassion, but its more than that. When the world is hurting the way it is now, and I feel all of the pain people are going through it's tough to remember that a single person can help. But you can, I can. And sometimes I might need a day to sit in my feels before I can take action, but I will. I'm beyond thankful for people who understand that having feels doesn't make you weak or a burden. But it's a power and a light. It makes us human and it makes me who I am. Even when I'm sad and overwhelmed, I'm happy, because Im alive and I'm doing what I can. #thoughtsontoughdays .
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#vsco #vscogrid #vscocam #vscogrid #villagesociety #villagestyle #thepursuitofjoyproject #theeverydayproject #thatsdarling #livetheadventure #livethelittlethings #liveauthentic #livefolk #pursuepretty #savorthejourney #honestcaptions #elizabethsbrainbattle
User Image bitsyboop Posted: Nov 29, 2017 5:11 AM (UTC)

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User Image bitsyboop Posted: Nov 20, 2017 6:00 PM (UTC)

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28 was one of those years that I can already look back on and see that it was life changing. I'm very proud of the work I was able to do on myself in therapy. It was not always easy, sometimes straight up nauseating, but I did it. I've already been able to use my new skills in handling things in ways I never could have before. I've felt the shift in the way I view the world. I'm much more positive and strong and bold. I've tried really hard to be a better friend and it's made me so much happier. Ive never been great at asking for help, but I needed it this last year, and my friends and family delivered. And it makes me really happy and proud to be there for them when they need it. I realized that's the kind of person I've always wanted to be and I'm finally ready to be it. Anyways, thank you to everyone who's listened to me on this journey. Thank you everyone who has reached out to me with their own story, that's incredibly brave and strong of you and I'm so proud to have been a part of your journey. Thank you to everyone who has checked in or let me have space when I needed it. Thank you everyone who wished me a happy birthday. And most importantly, thank you Hogwarts. .
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#vsco #vscogrid #vscocam #vscogood #villagesociety #villagestyle #thepursuitofjoyproject #theeverydayproject #thatsdarling #livetheadventure #livethelittlethings #liveauthentic #livefolk #pursuepretty #savorthejourney #exploremore #adventure #honestcaptions
User Image bitsyboop Posted: Nov 17, 2017 5:53 AM (UTC)

renee.cressley
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ITS MY BIRTHDAY. And I got to spend it in LA with my best friend living my best life. Here's to 29, even though it sounds pretty gross.
User Image bitsyboop Posted: Nov 16, 2017 6:30 AM (UTC)
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I'm a wizard, Harry.
User Image bitsyboop Posted: Nov 6, 2017 6:42 AM (UTC)

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My first time into the gorge after the fires this summer. It was a bit emotional, especially once I got close enough to see the burned trees. But it's still beautiful. And it will heal, as we all do. .
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#vsco #vscocam #vscogood #vscogrid #villagesociety #villagestyle #theeverydayproject #thepursuitofjoyproject #thatsdarling #livethelittlethings #livetheadventure #liveauthentic #livefolk #pursuepretty #pnw #pnwonderland #northwestisbest #exploremore #adventure #savorthejourney