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There’s always that one person out there that would make you think twice about using one of these again.. 🤣 #dyson #piss
I used to be the one who cried for help. I was in a terrible place and yes, I did want to leave this world. But looking back, I was scared. I was too much of a pussy to do it. I still had feelings inside of me that prevented me from following through with it. What would my Mom do if she found out what I did? How would my brother handle it? What would my close friends think of me? Those thoughts kept me breathing because even after death, I would be too ashamed to enjoy it. I lost a lot of friends who could not handle my negativity. A lot of people lost respect for me because I would constantly be crying about something on Facebook. I can understand; life is hard enough, so why let someone else add to the struggle by constantly sharing their negativity? I actually applaud those people for not letting me bring them down. They deserve better than that anyway.
That brought me to this - it clicked in my head when I watched the video. People who are ready to die, won't cry for help. They won't seek support. They won't want to bring their friends and family down with them. We know what the result is when we cry for help - we are ridiculed for feeling like this and told it could be worse. We are told that we should be thankful for what we have. We are even removed from the lives of people we admire because they can't handle our negativity. I would want my last moments to be cherished with those I loved. I would not want to see their faces drop when they look at mine; sad and depressed. I would want them to remember me not for my tears, but for my smile. We can't force people to even begin to understand how we feel, and even ourselves have trouble figuring out why we feel this way. So to spend our last moments trying to make you understand would just be a wasted effort.

I didn't understand his decision when I first read about it, but now I do. I regret every depressing Facebook status that shows up in my "On This Day" not only because it is embarrassing, but because it didn't help me. But in hindsight, those were cries for help because I was too scared to do it. Much like him, I would want to end it without prevention. I would want my last moments enjoyed by everyone.
And this is why I have 95% less people in my life.