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Few did as much. I’ve been struggling with words all morning, stumbling through the immense loss of your life in this life. The question of why will always work its way into my mind- why? Then the how and the where- who? Were you alone at the time? Was someone holding your hand? Were you looking at them with those sweet eyes and that great smile you had: teeth showing through that forest of a beard you wore? The last time I saw you, only a few weeks ago, you seemed happy which in some way grants one solace. But I don’t think there’ll ever be enough to stem the loss of your person from this community you did so much to help. Years ago, when I was even more of a nobody than I already am, you were so kind & warm, so blindly believing in me that I still carry that string of inspiration you gave me. I’ll forever cherish those first memories of meeting you & sweet @jordannassar while you ran around the grounds of @mocalosangeles. I already miss seeing you smile behind the counter at @printedmatterinc. How can I ever walk in there again- hoping to see you but knowing you’ll never be there? 😥 To the sweet soul you are- not were; I’m unable to speak of you in the past tense for I still can’t believe you’re gone. And even though in this reality it may be true that you’re no longer with us: you will be loved forever, cherished forever & missed forever. And even then- forever will not be enough. ☁️💔☁️
User Image jaworskijason Posted: Oct 11, 2017 6:43 PM (UTC)
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Walking through a park I once slept in on off days, shadows shimmering on a sidewalk, listening to some singer go on about how we think we own the stars but barely own our hearts, I imagine your laugh as a scent instead of a sound: almost almond w/ a sweet bit of cinnamon & heated ghee. Days before: 4AM walking over the bridge from Brooklyn, a shining shimmer of skyline drifts elongated along the surface of the east river, portions of the pattern undulating w/ undercurrent in a harvest moon’s light faraway, and all I can do is replay the imagery of sitting next to you on that couch, your eyes, & the myriad of moments that brought us together. A couple stumbles into me, handing me their phone for a photo, “he just proposed to me,” and they hold each other w/ a happiness I haven’t seen in so long. Love: such a strong emotion to be caught in the flutter of a fleeting four letters. A memory of our lips fumbling w/ one another’s for I couldn’t help myself from smiling. How strange for memories to overlap & fall along the surface of a mind’s sidewalk, like nimble autumn leaves rusted from a bouquet of branches, each blown by a different breeze of remembrance. Your room: the first time I’d laid down in a bed in months yet I couldn’t sleep, my heart beating too fast while it seemed like everything around us moved slow: crystals in the corner of a window undulating a broken penumbra of light along the wall & that dog outside having so much to say to the sunrise. For the past week all I’ve wanted to do was simply tell you how beautiful you are: your soul: your person. Now, after having left, reminded again & always of Cendrars’ words “Je suis en route / J’ai toujours été en route,” my body 7 miles above the wilderness of the Rockies & I can’t help but feel a lingering longing to hold you again. Somehow each cloud here reminds me of you, each passenger, each ember of ochre in the setting sun’s light caught in the multi-inch space between my window’s edge / ledge. I close my eyes for a moment, hoping to sleep, yet all I see is your face smile a lone smile until a flight attendant taps me on the shoulder: chips. ✨🍂🕊
User Image jaworskijason Posted: Sep 24, 2017 7:58 AM (UTC)
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Waking up a few miles above Croatia, congregations of cloud reflecting different wavelengths of white tightening the tourniquet of turbulence unseen but felt by everyone. I close my eyes. Back in Karatu: large angular storks in flight against an African sky w/ the punctuation of small sparrows chasing each other alongside my motorcycle; catching the current of the vehicle's wind, speedometer no longer working after 60kmh, we ride through a windstorm, lightning lashing the horizon in the distance while every so often I ride one handed to use the other to pick out the flecks & fragments of earth in my eyes. Clouds looking like inlets or islands of a lake, eyelashes of sky falling down in petals of rain rolling out in sheets: a road we rode on just a day ago now a river the cold color of chai: sediments of silt coming together like clay, a stratigraphy of the street here where every road is a path paved in dirt, rock & dust. My final evening: that same rain falling in thick sheets as though dropped from buckets by unseen hands from persons personified in passing clouds. Back at LAX/JFK, my homes are now airports, each w/ the same imagery of workers directing planes w/ wands seeming like a semaphore. And like clockwork, I can’t help but be reminded of you. Years ago, running our fingers on the surfaces of scattered cars at sunrise, writing words to each other on dew in the dawn’s light. Lost to laughter, how so many things can be said in silence by grasping just a single glance. That smile; your smile. Memory is like smoke sometimes- evaporating, it dissipates. All my recent remembrances of us have been like interacting w/ fog: every hue of you permeates my person yet when I try to grasp something it’s no longer there. Is this what relationships become? Intangibles of the mind or totems of tawdry memory? I can still hear the baboons screaming while we slept, Angela & Bungu running after them. And now, on the roof of a tenement after picking a lock to get to the skyline: each window on the Bowery lonesome in its light while the sun rises across the river in Brooklyn & the last copies of the Voice to ever be printed blow by like fallen leaves in the streets below me🌈
User Image jaworskijason Posted: Sep 23, 2017 2:39 PM (UTC)
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Looking at a moon no bigger than a nickel, months ago riding a motorcycle barefoot to tears at dusk, feet covered in the mud of Lake Eyasi, the sky a dark blue w/ nothing but a lone patchwork of stars surrounded by clouds. I imagine the view as if overhead: 2 dots of light winding their way in un-manicured paths passing through the bush land of Tanzania. In the mornings, birds of a brilliant blue bathing out of a watering hole we had dug up only a day ago to drink from. Listening to 👸🏾🐝 singing about sandcastles but all I can see is the sea 🍋 The shore is gone & every granule of your person has somehow ceased to surround me. To say I miss you would be a lie for it’s not enough to miss you, I long for you like no other has ever yearned for anything or anyone. Back in LA, biking down a street toward the sunrise, light not quite there yet, Little Jimmy Scott singing of all the things that are no longer & will never be. I think of you, I always do, but what does it mean now that even in the off time, even w/ my eyes wandering along the clouds, either in an airplane hovering over the Serengeti, on a motorcycle in Gorofani, or here now on some street I’ve always seen but never wandered- what does it mean that I’m scared to forget as much as I am to remember? Strange to think it was only a couple months ago that we were filming flamingos in flight in a sunset headed toward Zanzibar, Frank in my headphones asking if you don't think so far ahead & another going on about how every promise doesn't work out that way. Smiling on pathways of dirt, motorcycle screaming down a roadway w/ rain landing in my mouth metallic, each droplet like licking a battery. And the filaments of forget that one tries to hold onto end up giving way to words never spoken. Feels like I’ve spent a lifetime looking for something I'll never have, crying to myself after realizing that I’d rather miss you than be next to you, Garnet Mimms singing hymns about how the truth hurts but not as much as one's lies, where & when all you want to do is keep running, keep moving & going so you don’t have to stop to realize that the only thing you’re running from is the you that you can’t contend with 🍃🏔✨
User Image jaworskijason Posted: Sep 22, 2017 9:54 AM (UTC)
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Small planes always make me think of 2 people: Aaliyah & Buddy Holly. I've never had a fear of flying but there's something about a pilot reorganizing persons on a small 4-seat Cessna via their weight that makes you wonder. And after 40hrs of travel, arriving in Gorofani, sun rising in a tide pool of light ebbing out different rays of kelvin around me, motorcycles passing by w/ the words from a radio asking if you remember how we used to sing, and all I could do was think of home, lost to distance, not knowing that months later I’d be picking a lock to a ladder in order to sleep on the roof of my studio. Just the other night studying lights from faraway planes burning in the sky against a sequin of stars sobbing like liquid diamonds, my thoughts still swimming in the particulates of your person though we've since left each other. Months before: floating above Zion on a plane 1000mi from you, traveling on foot to Lesasoo & back again, riding to Barazani, Endamaghay, Arusha, Zanzibar, Dar es Salaam, Addis Ababa, Dublin & now here; the progression of plane propellers pirouetting against an African sunrise seeming to me to be the perfect image for forgetting although all I can do is remember you. Talking to separate tribes in the area, the Datoga, Iraqw, Maasai- for no reason my mind wanders to a memory of falling in love w you. That long drive to San Francisco. And even though we’re no longer together I see you everywhere. Scared to forget but not wanting to remember. I’ve had so little sleep these past few months it feels like I’m dreaming. Helping the Hadza write their first constitution after thousands of years- did that really happen? I read updates on the small screen of my phone: the loss of Princess; days later, Bungu losing her life & her children. I can see their faces still, smiling as they would, always lying down in that special spot of sun. My last night in CA: sleeping under the moon in some forest I haven’t seen in years. There’s something about silence that says so much. Leaves falling on the surface of a small brook behind me breathing its liquid down toward the highway. Each sound some saturnine diversion from the one I want to hear: your voice 🍂
User Image jaworskijason Posted: Mar 11, 2017 3:12 AM (UTC)
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It's been over a week, but I wanted to thank all the fans, friends & family who came by the #LAABF 🤗 Together we raised more than $1,200 at the @sskpress booth to be donated to benefit the @lidehaiti children, the @aclu_nationwide, as well as the ongoing legal fund for those at #StandingRock 🙌🏽 It's always a funny feeling to put your all into something, to work tirelessly at it, from day to night and to then pass that object off into the hands of a stranger 🍃 Regardless of the reaction, to see it always warms my heart. 🍂 I've never had much monetarily, and honestly it was only a few years ago that I can remember having to decide between eating a meal or buying a book; I can still remember days wandering Geary, Henry, Canal, Alameda or Wilshire, all streets from separate cities I went hungry in, and while it's true I'm a fat kid at heart so I'm always hungry, I've never felt poor, even when an ATM blinked back at me a negative amount of money, even when pretending to be a bus boy, lying that I was clearing people's plates when really I was eating their leftovers, from playing a harmonica & typing stories for people in a subway station for spare change or taking tossed out bananas from the fruit stand on Clinton & Grand... I think about it all, sleeping on random roofs or floors of different friend's apartments back then, the shame of poverty, though present but always being able to be walked off due to the blessing by being near you- to everyone & anyone who has ever helped, listened, loved or left me, there's too many to list but you know who you are, I want to thank you for making me feel like the richest person in the world, and not just then, but now as well. I always end up saying something silly like there are no words to describe my feelings after using a shit ton of them, but I guess that's the beauty of constructing a contradiction. Anyway, I'm pretty sure no one reads down this far anyway, but if you do- thank you too 🙏🏽 For those that weren't able to get a copy of the books at the fair before I ran out, @oogaboogastore & @dashwood_books @dashwoodzines will have a small amount soon, from which 100% of my personal proceeds will be donated 🍃🌒😘
User Image jaworskijason Posted: Feb 24, 2017 8:27 PM (UTC)
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🤗 So excited to have copies of my new #photobook INSHALLAH (‫إن شاء الله‬‎‎) at #LAABF 👁💎👁 Recently nominated for the @mack_books #FirstBookAward, this is my most personal body of work, a meditation / dedication to the memory of an older brother I never had & a nephew I never knew, both lost due to complications of miscarriage 🌗 Produced in a book dummy edition of 25 just for the fair, each book is accented w/ charcoal, pastel and mud made from Saharan sand, all hand-bound to resemble copies of the Quran I came across in the Sahara 🙏🏽 Come get the goodies upstairs in the #FocusPhotography Section @sskpress F22 👍🏻👍🏼👍🏽👍🏾👍🏿
User Image jaworskijason Posted: Feb 24, 2017 2:30 AM (UTC)
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#LA! 💎 Come on by Booth F22 upstairs in the #FocusPhotography Section at @mocalosangeles for the opening preview of @printedmatterinc's #LAABF ✨ Open today, 2/23 from 6-9pm 🤗
User Image jaworskijason Posted: Feb 21, 2017 11:41 AM (UTC)
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Watching #mydinnerwithandre for the nth time earlier today, every now and then my eyes wandering outside the window toward a crowd of clouds looking like curlews. Rain has fallen for the past couple days here, a deluge fitting for the passing of a #presidentsday for someone who’s #notmypresident. Months ago on a bus driving through the country just after the election, weeping to a photo by @goldbergjim writing “what do I tell my children.” I think of my father and what he'll tell me, I think of the daughter not yet born moving around in the belly of my friend's wife: what world will she open her eyes to? I think of my friends, all of those lost, those that have died and those killing themselves. I think of my sister; my mother. I look out the window -black- not a star in sight. At times, driving through wilderness feels like floating; now: falling. I think of all the secrets I wrote on scrap paper, buried in the Sahara, all the things I was too scared to tell you, that I don't miss you, that I need to keep running from who I am, that there's never been a moment when I didn't love you but I still can't figure out the distance between us. I remember as kids we used to play in the hills, cross over the border to Mexico. Do you remember that? I think of Mallarmé writing to Cazalis in 1867 about how "these last months have been terrifying." Richard Hugo writing about “fires lost in dawn” & “wisdom waiting in Dubuque.” Where was it though? I was there on White St- I saw no wisdom, just wandering: people like pearls popped out their shells, scattered about on sidewalks while streetlights wandered in a meandering kelvin a few shades warmer than the moonlight. After the last two years, losing family, friends, as well as their children, the thought is: what now? Not even 2 months into 2017 and I’m reminded more than ever of a cab driver I talked to in Denver, our conversation about his daughter having asked after the election if America was great now? Asking, if this country is great, why do people spit on me at school? Why the stares? I asked how old she was: 5. “The sad thing,” he said through a winced smile, “is it’s not just my story but the story of many.” ✨🖤✨
User Image jaworskijason Posted: Dec 18, 2016 10:47 PM (UTC)
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Thanks so much to everyone who came out to the show last night & for helping to raise money for @lidehaiti, can't tell you how grateful I am ✨🙏🏽✨
📸: @bookdummypress
User Image jaworskijason Posted: Dec 17, 2016 8:05 PM (UTC)
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#NYC! 🖖🏼 TODAY - Come out to ADWAZ & SAK PASÉ, an installation & book launch of work I made in Haiti 🇭🇹 All proceeds go to benefit @lidehaiti ✨ Thanks @rainnwilson @holidayreinhorn @kathrynjanene & @davidchoe 🙏🏽 Free snacks, drinks & drank - 36 Cooper Sq. @bookdummypress 2-6pm, use the buzzer to get in ✌🏽️😘✨
User Image jaworskijason Posted: Dec 17, 2016 3:30 PM (UTC)
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A little after 10am, no sleep, been working all night on my installation that's opening later today. Lots of emotions from going through all the work, remembering all the kids from Haiti and the tragedy that came upon us while leaving. Back in #NY, surrounded by the same streets from years ago although decorated with different stores and strangers. I've never not loved this city. Sleeping on the floor of a tenement, listening to the radiators chatter and grind their teeth, passing heat as a draft of cool air comes in through the slit of a screen window behind me. I close my eyes and drift off into different months from this past year: the rain in the Sahara, droplets the size of silver dollars, wisps of snow drift in the Dakotas, birds hovering above the roadway, sun low & road long, smokestacks in the distance, driving endlessly toward a starless sky emblazoned with different fragments of smog tinctured by the setting sun, moving forward, always moving forward. I think of my friends, my family. I see their faces for a moment, hold them in my eyes before opening them: nighttime in Nebraska. Driving past the Great Plains & Sand Hills south of the Badlands. Eventually the sun rises, #JohnPrine's voice comes on through the radio and I think of my sister and how much I've missed her. Countless cloud formations drift on as different architecture built upon separate streets of sky. And I've never felt as lost as I did in days that feel like years ago but in reality were only a week past their present. Still sifting through my time at #StandingRock, searching through different corridors of memory, seeing all the people I can’t forget lost to the ones I'm trying to remember. And no matter how many sunsets in the southwest I seem to see they never cease to seize me. Looking at a photograph on a wall now in NY of a similar sun captured in #Haiti, I can't help but be grateful for everything & everyone on that trip, making me all the more excited to show you the work I made in my short time there 💕 Hope you can come out today 🙏🏽 I'll be donating all my proceeds to @lidehaiti ✨ 36 Cooper Sq @bookdummypress 2-6pm although I'll probably be there later 😘
User Image jaworskijason Posted: Dec 16, 2016 10:16 AM (UTC)
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#NY! Come out to the opening of my newest show ADWAZ & SAK PASÉ, an installation / book launch / performance THIS Saturday, Dec. 17th at @bookdummypress in the old Village Voice building in Cooper Sq! Featuring a wall installation & table display consisting of over 100 combined photographs, prints, objects, tools and studio ephemera, along with a series of polaroids & artist books made in #Haiti w/ buddy @davidchoe 👬 I'll be making #books & #zines from 2-6PM, all handmade, only 25 available with collaged print cut-outs, hand painted text, a unique polaroid for each book & more! The exhibition is a culmination of work I created while teaching at-risk kids part of @lidehaiti organized by @rainnwilson @holidayreinhorn & @kathrynjanene ✨ Some real talk- yeah I'm a sensitive dude, if you know me you know it doesn't take much to make me feel something, but my experience teaching at #Lidè was beyond anything. The warmth, vibrancy & color of culture in Haiti combined with teaching art to all the wonderful kids there really touched my heart. I believe in what they're doing so much that I'll be donating my entire portion of the proceeds for the show directly to the Lidè Foundation 🙏🏽 I hope you can come see the show and support a great cause! There's also gonna be free drinks & snacks so even if you don't like what's up at least your belly will be filled 😋😘💕✨
User Image jaworskijason Posted: Dec 6, 2016 11:16 AM (UTC)
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They say history is just news from awhile ago, that time changes it from a moment or memory into an enduring emblem of consequence or action. Lately I've been wondering about both: the consequence of action / inaction, and the global globule that is time: 5:09AM now at Standing Rock, Oceti Sakowin Camp, North Dakota. My third morning here, venturing into the unknown with no expectations or hopes but those to help. Snow falling like the shavings of a cloud. The roads have disappeared into a landscape of speckled sky: a complete whiteout. And to think of time as only time and place as only place as so explicitly acknowledged by Chris Marker in the beginning of Sans Soleil, I can't help but feel lost in both time and place, moving through the morass and molasses of memory, listening to Rufus Harley's Moon River while attempting to protect another- all the little details from the road around me: cars overturned and spun out on the edges of white highway, tears shared with a stranger at an REI in Salt Lake City, a glitter of dew around me last morning, children on sleighs laughing, a bottle of water next to my pillow frozen over to ice from the cold, and all those trails of breath visible & moving around in a sign language I've yet to decipher. The landscape: an ocean of flats and plains the color of mercury w/ fingers of grass pushing past the frost, rivulets of road and veins of asphalt colliding, and the immutable immense air of prayer all around. Laying in an auditorium full of strangers who've come together from different parts of a country they once defended, there's a strange melancholy and simultaneously strong resolve. I've never been surrounded by so many poets before. Everywhere there's a prayer. #NODAPL #WaterIsLife #mniwiconi #StandingRock
Flying into a sunrise on my last day in #Haiti and staring into a new one in Utah just yesterday, there’s something to be said about a migration of time, of memory. How can I be in a place as beautiful as this and think of nothing else but of somewhere I once was? To think of everything I've lost, everything I have and everything I still wish to give; everything I'm willing to lose, and everything I'm lucky enough to enjoy. Mapou, Souvenance, Guerot, Guilot, St. Jean, Terre Des Negres- every place moving through me and my mind’s memory. Flying above Atlanta, the speckled face of the States is dotted with different roads, crops, pathways & brush. Walking now, however many miles through Kolob, Zion and Bryce, driving even more through Cedar City, St George, Panguitch, Springdale; those lightning storms in a Nevada night, rain pelting down in sheets and a road stretching onward endless like some ribbon of black dotted with plastic prisms reflecting refractions of car light all around. I think of all the stars in Utah glistening, marked and manmade trails overgrown amongst others, all the flora and fauna, their mysteries: sagebrush, juniper, manzanita, lilac, sego lily, desert phlox, bristlecone pines & ponderosas. Jackrabbits in the distance, moths knocking out some morse code melody on my window trying to get closer to the bulbs of light in my room, Belle barking in the car, that lone soul in an ice cream parlor in Vegas, and the peregrine floating against a cloudless sky in Bryce. Back in LA for a few days before leaving again, always leaving but never arriving, my path like a body of water dotted with islands of memory and persons I’m lucky enough to stop at. For all the recent ones and everything else, I must thank @kathrynjanene @rainnwilson @holidayreinhorn @davidchoe & everyone at @lidehaiti 😘 To all the girls I was lucky enough to meet & teach art to, for those who said they’ve never felt beautiful before until holding a picture of themselves, you’ve taught me more than I possibly could’ve taught you; every moment with you, every memory, I’ll cherish for the rest of whatever bit of time I have left, I love you 🙏🏼✨
User Image jaworskijason Posted: Oct 25, 2016 8:24 PM (UTC)
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I seem to miss everything lately. Walking underneath a sky hued rose & blue seeming like one big chandelier, stars glistening like jewels, satellites moving slowly, almost imperceptible, while a cortège of planes passes by distant. I put my headphones on: Eno & his golden hours, a dreaming moon magnetic, some wind in the rigging from a young marble giant. The track changes: Nina Simone is whispering to me, singing about stars & things she didn't mean to say much the same way I am now; lost on a path I wandered into, on a mountain somewhere in Terre Des Negres in #Haiti, riding in the back of a truck on the way to Guerot, looking out a window in Souvenance, smiling at strangers in Bayonè, in Tripo, in Guilot. Telling myself that if I could affect one person it would be enough, while lightning flashed off in the distance during daylight; afternoons on the roof of the @lidehaiti house w/ Babygirl 🐕, watching clouds collide together- mammatus, cirrus, cumulus. I think of the boy I was before all this decades ago, the man I'll never be, and everyone everywhere thinking of something else. I think of every road I've been on since, time turning into distance and in 3200mi or so I'll be back in California after countless more traveling to Haiti & within its arteries. I think of everything I have to bear, Nina still singing about how there’s nothing there. Crying out the window of a plane praying for every soul I met, landing in Atlanta- still not home; even in LA- still not home. Driving through desert now, the Mojave moving by me; thinking of John, singing about who’ll stop the rain, a notification on my phone twice the other day with death tolls coming in from #HurricaneMatthew, numbers rising as the water did. Little details flood in: the bridge, now collapsed, that we took from Port-au-Prince to Gonaïves, rain falling far off & away and on that last day a herd of hurricane clouds colliding w/ one another in the distance, looking like islands or continents from some distant planet. Memory more than anything seems to move me. For all the recent ones & everything else, I must thank @kathrynjanene @rainnwilson @holidayreinhorn @davidchoe & everyone at @lidehaiti 💕
User Image jaworskijason Posted: Sep 19, 2016 6:47 PM (UTC)
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Thanks so much to everyone that came out to the signing and the fair, I love all of you!! 👯 Thanks @momaps1 @printedmatterinc @bookdummypress for having me, I love you too 😘😘😘 Hope everyone's safe out there 🙏🏽💕 • 📸: @bookdummypress #NYABF #NYABF2016 #NYABF16
User Image jaworskijason Posted: Sep 17, 2016 5:03 PM (UTC)
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#NY!! Come by the #NYABF @momaps1 today @ 2pm for a signing of my NEW book #TwoWintersLong @ Booth N10! Each book has over 155+ images & drawings and a unique hand-dripped melted multi-color wax cover! We'll also have copies of the 2nd edition of #ThinkingOfYou! 🔸 Hope to see you there! ✨💕📚 #35mm #ContaxG2 #TriX400 #Oahu #NYABF16 #NYABF2016 #photobookjousting
User Image jaworskijason Posted: Sep 17, 2016 4:02 PM (UTC)
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#NY!! Come by the #NYABF @momaps1 today @ 2pm for a signing of my NEW book #TwoWintersLong @ Booth N10! Each book has over 155+ images & drawings and a unique hand-dripped melted multi-color wax cover! 🔸 Hope to see you there! ✨💕📚 #35mm #ContaxG2 #TriX400 #Cambodia #NYABF16 #NYABF2016 #photobookjousting
User Image jaworskijason Posted: Sep 17, 2016 2:49 PM (UTC)
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#NY!! Come by the #NYABF @momaps1 today @ 2pm for a signing of my NEW book #TwoWintersLong @ Booth N10! Each book has over 155+ images & drawings and a unique hand-dripped melted multi-color wax cover! 🔸 Hope to see you there! ✨💕📚 #35mm #ContaxG2 #TriX400 #Cambodia #NYABF16 #NYABF2016 #photobookjousting