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User Image taes_world_ Posted: Nov 13, 2017 7:06 PM (UTC)
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17 Clarendon
User Image taes_world_ Posted: Nov 8, 2017 8:49 AM (UTC)
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2 Clarendon
She said before we met, I fucked her in her mind first
We crossed paths, a mixture of karma and luck
I walked in strong, mentally palming my nuts
I got em swarming and stuck, she calm in the cut
You know me? I can spot a Swan from a Duck
My approach? Smoother than an Armani tux
The diamonds going off, like the alarm on a truck
The small talk, warming her up, she palming her cup
She told me that I make her laugh and I’m charming as fuck😎
User Image taes_world_ Posted: Nov 5, 2017 9:39 PM (UTC)
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1 Normal
User Image taes_world_ Posted: Nov 4, 2017 8:18 PM (UTC)
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3 Gingham
User Image taes_world_ Posted: Nov 2, 2017 12:16 PM (UTC)
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2 Normal
User Image taes_world_ Posted: Oct 29, 2017 11:48 AM (UTC)
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8 Reyes
Last night, my wife's boss from her brand new job invited us over for dinner. On the drive over, my wife reiterated many times to me just how important it was to make a good impression.

I scoffed and arrogantly informed my silly wife that I always make good impressions.

My wife's boss is a single lady in her fifties, so it was just the three of us. We chitchatted over drinks and salads and seemed to really be hitting it off. She laughed at my well-timed, perfectly-appropriate jokes and my wife seemed pleased.

Soon she brought out the main course, a nice big juicy steak for each of us. As I began to cut into my steak, I was discouraged to discover how under cooked this steak was.

Now, I've had my fair share of rare steak. I prefer medium, but I can handle rare. This was several-minutes-on-a-hot-grill short of rare. I probably could've resuscitated the cow had I tried. Instead, I sat there fidgeting with my knife and fork, worrying about how I was going to get away with not eating this steak.

Claim vegan-ism? No, I'd already feigned great enthusiasm upon seeing the steak.

Just then, our hostess excused herself to the kitchen to take care of some dessert preparations. As I looked across the fancy dining room table at the open window of this 3rd story apartment... a cartoon light bulb appeared over my head.

I knew I had to be decisive, realizing that she could return at any moment. I committed. I grabbed the steak with my hand, gently shook off the juice and executed a perfect throw right through the center of the open window.

Here's the big time FU. The window wasn't open. It was the cleanest fricking window you've ever seen in your life. That is, until my mostly raw slab of steak slammed up against it and slowly slid down leaving a trail of bloody juice in its wake.

My wife - who's steak was a nice medium rare and was unaware of my predicament - turned, jaw dropped, and stared at me like I was an alien from another planet. This look then slowly morphed into more of a there-is-no-place-on-this-planet-you-can-ever-hide-from-me expression of demonic anger.

My wife's boss heard the thud of the steak-on-window impact and came quickly. She took in the scene,
User Image taes_world_ Posted: Oct 28, 2017 6:39 PM (UTC)
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1 Clarendon
User Image taes_world_ Posted: Oct 27, 2017 12:05 AM (UTC)
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0 Normal
User Image taes_world_ Posted: Oct 26, 2017 4:10 PM (UTC)
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2 Normal
This is the best thing I’ve even seen #wwe2k18 😂😂😂😂
User Image taes_world_ Posted: Oct 25, 2017 11:51 PM (UTC)
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4 Normal
User Image taes_world_ Posted: Oct 25, 2017 11:48 PM (UTC)
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1 Normal
User Image taes_world_ Posted: Oct 23, 2017 6:50 PM (UTC)
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3 Normal
User Image taes_world_ Posted: Oct 18, 2017 7:19 PM (UTC)
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1 Crema
We stay picture ready😅
User Image taes_world_ Posted: Oct 11, 2017 11:05 AM (UTC)
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0 Normal
Ain’t nobody come to see you Otis
User Image taes_world_ Posted: Oct 10, 2017 1:51 PM (UTC)
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5 Gingham
I got my first Date with @ms.melrose with this pickup line: ME: You know what’s on the Menu? HER: No. ME: ME-N-U😎. #bazinga
User Image taes_world_ Posted: Oct 7, 2017 12:05 PM (UTC)
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0 Lo-fi
User Image taes_world_ Posted: Oct 1, 2017 12:14 PM (UTC)
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1 Normal
User Image taes_world_ Posted: Sep 21, 2017 11:15 AM (UTC)
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0 Nashville
User Image taes_world_ Posted: Sep 18, 2017 2:43 AM (UTC)
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1 Inkwell
Devilishly Handsome 😈
User Image taes_world_ Posted: Sep 18, 2017 2:41 AM (UTC)
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0 Gingham