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User Image mf_theo Posted: Oct 23, 2017 1:25 AM (UTC)
bam1029
vcfdhockeyclub
71
2 Lark
Once a Savage always a Savage
User Image mf_theo Posted: Oct 16, 2017 1:25 AM (UTC)
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• Part I •

When I was a child I learned to read at an early age. There are many books that I remember reading with many a favorite, but there has been one that always spoken to me. I can't remember how this book came into my possession.

I know it wasn't by accident.

I can't tell you the last time I held it in my hands, but I can tell you the entire story nearly verbatim. Once you open the book the first and greatest lesson can be found on the very first page, before the story even begins. It reads as follows: "No matter how you hope, no matter how you try. You can't make truth out of a lie." This phrase has not only been circling in my head for DECADES, but has been a defining issue the majority of my life. We can talk in person sometime if want to know the in's and out's of other life issues, but the current issue is a very grave situation.
I made poor decisions that have led me to the part in the story where I again have to start over, and walk away from the best and most important relationship I've had. It's been extremely difficult for an infinite amount of reasons, but the hardest part is that I chose this outcome. I'm pretty lost, but I see the starting line. It's hard to say I just threw everything away, buts that's what happened. Neither of us won, but we both lost. In the end I know only positivity will come from this.
Here's the bottom line:

I cheated. I lied. I became a person who I never wanted to be. I became the same as those I viewed as less than. One of the hardest parts to swallow is that I chose this path.
It all starts with a simple question and my inability to answer truthfully. As time passed it became more of something I couldn't control. While I'm still working on why I continue to make poor decisions, I do know this: Acknowledgement, responsibility, accountability, and ownership are the fundamental pillars of change.

I have to change.

I want to change.
I am changing.
User Image mf_theo Posted: Oct 16, 2017 1:24 AM (UTC)
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• Part II •

I take responsibility for my actions, I am accountable for the results, and I take ownership of my mistakes. It's hard, extremely fucking hard but I have no choice. I made the decisions to make this tough.
For many, this may come as a surprise. For others, you knew this would be the outcome all along. Whatever category you fall into, I'm truly sorry. If you want to talk and tell me how stupid I am, or how bad I messed up, or how much of a terrible person I am- I'm game. Additionally if you want to talk and offer some advise and guidance, I'm equally game. And if you never want to talk to me again, that's also totally understandable too. Just let me know.
There's a long list of angry, hurt, and disappointed people I created, but believe me no matter what you do, think, or say I am at the top of the list. Im also very aware that just because my pain is understandable doesn't mean im stating my behavior was acceptable.

Unfortunately I am just a human. People sometimes make bad decisions. They mess up and let others down. But that doesn't make them bad people. We all make mistakes.
The original story is about a brother and sister that started to play ball in the house before they remembered not to and broke their mothers favorite lamp. After telling a big lie to both parents, they both ended up telling the truth. After a loving conversation and reflection, end cubs agreed never to tell another lie and became happy that the lamp was fixed. But then they soon realize that trust, just like the lamp, is one thing that cannot be put back together. The lamp may look ok but will never be the same again.
I'm picking up all these pieces and with bloody fingers and a heavy heart, I'm doing my best to put this lamp back together. I'm ok with missing pieces and an odd shape. At this point as long as the light still shines I'll be ok.
Thanks for taking the time to read these posts. It took me a long time to put this all together. Thanks for helping me be accountable. Thanks for understanding.
User Image mf_theo Posted: Sep 16, 2017 10:33 PM (UTC)
miss_furden
137
25 Normal
Just over a year ago is when I last posted a photo. I wanted to take a break from posting (not stalking though 😜). In that timeframe a lot has changed. I cut my hair, moved back to Northern California, bought a house, rescued a dog, changed Fire Departments, and just finished my probationary period. I've made a lot of changes and have grown tremendously as a person, but still have a ways to go. Thanks for sticking by me and continuing to push me. Looking forward to continuing to crush life. ...Oh and back to posting
User Image mf_theo Posted: Aug 2, 2016 3:26 AM (UTC)
195
11 Moon
My fortune cookie dropped some knowledge tonight.
User Image mf_theo Posted: Jun 18, 2016 7:33 AM (UTC)
mf_theo
ahh_chit
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A liter of beer in Germany costs less than a pint of beer in France. The start of another crazy night #seanandtheosmostexcellentadventure #celebratingadrawithaparty #ithoughtyoushouldwintoparty #euros2016
User Image mf_theo Posted: Jun 18, 2016 7:29 AM (UTC)
mf_theo
ahh_chit
73
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After a crazy day in Germany, we continued out trek south. Arrived into Switzerland and was recommended this restaurant for dinner. The view was amazing and once we finished dinner, sat and watched a beautiful lightning storm roll into the valley. #seanandtheosmostexcellentadventure #frontfacingcameradoesnojustice
User Image mf_theo Posted: Jun 15, 2016 11:50 PM (UTC)
mromansbaucells
ahh_chit
70
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From riding bicycles under the Eiffel Tower, wine tasting in the French countryside, underground bar discoveries, and being completely humbled standing on the beaches of Normandy, this trip to France has been unlike any other. New friends, new experiences, new life goals and new motivation. We've hit the halfway point and are on the downhill slide (navigation wise too). Thanks for the good times France, until next time: prends soin de toi!
#seanandtheosmostexcellentadventure #
User Image mf_theo Posted: Jun 7, 2016 6:53 PM (UTC)
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Well that's going to put a damper on rest of my trip. My phone fell out of my jacket pocket this morning and was promptly ran over by a bus. Oh well, that's how it goes sometimes. Made it safely to Bordeaux this afternoon, going to spend a few days around here. #seanandtheosmostexcellentadventure #donttrustvelcropockets #karma
User Image mf_theo Posted: Jun 5, 2016 10:28 PM (UTC)
mromansbaucells
ahh_chit
86
2 Normal
Barcelona- gothic row, family dinners, a VIP experience at MotoGP, and a little saxophone. It's been great Spain, thanks for the memories
#seanandtheosmostexcellentadventure #motoGP #barcelona #catalunyaexperience #ratafia #itwaslikeridingabicycle #whydoesmymouthhurt #fromthesaxophoneweirdos #winemademedoit
User Image mf_theo Posted: Jun 3, 2016 7:57 AM (UTC)
ahh_chit
61
3 Normal
Took a little break from the bikes and flew out to Mallorca where we spent the day at the most beautiful beach. #itookapillinmallorca #itwasforallergies #seanandtheosmostexcellentadventure
User Image mf_theo Posted: Jun 3, 2016 7:51 AM (UTC)
ahh_chit
44
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A lot of riding has had us driving through the most beautiful parts of Spain. Really enjoying this adventure #seanandtheosmostexcellentadventure #enjoytheride #Gibraltar #thatwasinpoundsnoteuros
User Image mf_theo Posted: May 27, 2016 9:14 AM (UTC)
ahh_chit
67
2 Normal
48 hours in Lisboa! Partying until 630 am with the Seanado, milking the hangover at the beach, checked out castles in Sintra, to the western most point of Europe. The journey continues #seanandtheosmostexcellentadventure #enjoytheride #thesnailsweregood #imadeasnailtraillater
User Image mf_theo Posted: May 25, 2016 12:51 PM (UTC)
ahh_chit
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From the ruins of Mèrida into downtown Lisbon. #seanandtheosmostexcellentadventure
User Image mf_theo Posted: May 22, 2016 9:50 AM (UTC)
perrineedwards
ashedward5
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Very happy to be apart of this celebration. Thanks for a great time! (Not so much for the hangover) On to the next adventure #pandawedding
User Image mf_theo Posted: May 20, 2016 5:12 PM (UTC)
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A wedding with a view! All finished with the setup, looking forward to tomorrow.
User Image mf_theo Posted: May 18, 2016 7:14 AM (UTC)
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After quite the adventure, I've finally arrived. I'm really looking forward to the wedding of @mraedwards and @perrinehchd this weekend. Waking up to this for a week isn't all that bad either
User Image mf_theo Posted: Apr 23, 2016 6:07 AM (UTC)
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It's not a cup, but a step in the right direction. #bleedteal #sjsharksfans #secondroundbound #sanjosesharks
User Image mf_theo Posted: Apr 21, 2016 6:17 AM (UTC)
miss_furden
51
2 Aden
Happy birthday weirdo, 30 looks good on ya #furdythirty