128,148 Posts

Normal Dakota Shallenberger

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love.starved Useless pic.i can't sleep. Anyway, I had a really beautiful evening, I went downtown with husband, where some friends have a club. A really good friend works there too (she's friend with this girl I discussed with an year ago and haven't seen her since) I wanted to see her but I honestly was so scared about her being mad at me,but I picked up the courage and went to her club while husband was eating. I knocked on the door, she saw me and said just a sterile hi. My heart broke but then she looked at me again and said "God, I hadn't recognised you! You changed so much!" And hugged me tightly.it was just WOW! The feeling of love spreading all around my body. We spoke for a while with husband too and laughed so much about old times, then we hugged again and went to our other friend(yes,we have a lot of bartender friends;)) he saw us and I had another round of hugs/kisses and it was beautiful! Other chats then home for some rest. I was really pleased about how the night was, I spoke easily enough without blushing too much I managed to let others touch me(which really makes me nuts) and kind of enjoyed what it felt like. The only downside of today is, I was finishing my dessert after dinner, husband was getting ready in the bathroom, I had a bite of cake chewed it and spat it in the napkin, I did it cause I wanted to feel the taste so badly but couldn't accept the calories intake. It's stupid I know, I had never done something this dumb, I just was chewing and ana told me"if you chew then spit it you just get the good side of eating" and I did it. It scares me, I can't afford to develop other sides to this illness, I'm already enough in trouble!so definitely calling my doctor tomorrow and book an appointment asap.god spitting made me feel so good so powerful ana says to do it over and over again.what the hell is wrong with me?.#ana #analife #anarecovery #anorexia #anoressianervosa #ed #edlife #anorexic #anxiety #panic #panicattack #psycho #depression #drugs #disturbialimentari #notenough #ugly #alcohol #ocd 40min

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fucking.insane.3 I like someone so bad, and I think he likes me too. But the problem is that as soon as he knows who I really am, he will get away from me. He doesn't know I'm deppressed, that I selfharm or that I tried to suicide twice. And also he deseves better.
#istilllikeyou #notenough #worthless #suicidal #deppressed #iloveyoureyes #greeneyes
58min

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3kids.2hands Pork tteokbokki done...and done. I guess it was authentic enough. Took 35 min, about projected. I would make this again...maybe tomorrow. #notenough #blueapron #cthomemade #homecooking #foodstagram #foodporn #먹스타그램 #떡볶이 2h

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  •   wh0aitsnick I could rearrange this words into something that WOULD make me a bad person 🌚 2h
  •   wh0aitsnick *these 2h

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3kids.2hands In retrospect I should've added a hard boiled egg and some ground beef #떡볶이 #notenough #blueapron #homecooking #cthomemade #castiron #foodstagram #foodporn 2h

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fuck__ed don't know what i should think about my body bc when I lay down i'm ok with how it looks like somehow.. i don't think that i'm skinny but it's okay in that moment, you know? but when i stand and see my own reflection, i want to kill myself. i was overweight my whole life, I just wanna take a breath and say „i'm ok with it now“, but i'm not. i'm not okay with it most of the time, so i'll loose more weight..
and i say it again: sorry for my bad english and sorry for the fat
#eatingdisorder #ed #anorexia #bulimia #mia #ana #anxiety #relapse #needtoloseweight #fatbody #fatness #henna #selfmadehennatattoo #sorry #killme #notokay #dontknowwhattothink #amiskinnynow #notenough #scars #overweight #normalweight #bingepurge #bodycheck #skinnyorfat
3h

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shattered.girl13 'Do you want me to throw a ball for you.'•'You never laugh anymore'•'Your a hypocrite'•'Your the problem. The mistake. The waste.'•'Why would I want to spend my time with you, When I could be with him.'•'Why are you walking your dog.'•'Wanker'•'Shut up you cunt'•'You Freak'•'Frickin Russian toad shut your bloody mouth.'•'Your an embarrassment to be around.'•' You're just a thick fool.Do you even have a brain or is it just empty space up there.'•'Fatass.'•'Ugly Prick'•'Go get yourself a life....'•'Slit your wrists and die.'•'Go run home and cut, I dont give a fuck.'•'Go run rabbit. Kill yourself. Nobody cares about you. You fat ass, loner.' #selfharmer #cutting #cuts #cut #freak #fat #ugly #notenough #notgoodenough #depressedquotes #sadquotes #blades #quotes #bleeding #blood #dying #crying #selfhate #selfhatred #selfharmmm #depression #depressed #suicidal #suicide 3h

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yahtrav Getting my outfit ready for this weekend. MC'in the auction for Not Enough Fest #notenough #twotongues #pdx #queer #queerart #studioyahtrav 3h

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