7,691 Posts

Normal Jessica Ciencin Henriquez
writingissexy After 5 months of continuous God Damn winter, I've fallen ill dear reader. Normally when this happens, I look up any of the men I dated in my early 20's and lure one over under the false pretense of reconciliation. When they arrive I fill my moat with alligators and lock the front door. When they accuse me that "this is so like like you, Jessica!" I roar back in a voice that could be Harvey Fierstein's, "impossible! Those alligators are a recent purchase I made during a fever induced hallucination!" Once they've calmed down, I explain, in a whisper, fully dressed from my bed, how to properly make this tea and then I cry until they agree to give up their HBO go password. Ginger & Turmeric Honey Bomb from my friends at #GreenMarketIdeas

Makes 1/2 cup (mix two teaspoons with 1 quart of hot water or drop into your favorite tea. If he doesn't remember your favorite tea say: "that is so like YOU" and soak in the joy of using his own words against him, just like old times.

1/2 cup / 120 ml honey (prefereble organic unheated because, let's fuck with your ex and make him pay for all of those terrible things he did when you were together)

2-4 tbsp freshly grated ginger (or ground ginger depending on how strong you prefer...and we know based on your choice of men in college you prefer pretty weak.) 2 tsp ground turmeric (or freshly grated turmeric if you can find it...make.him.find.it. 1 organic unwaxed lemon, freshly grated zest...zest, remind him that was something he lacked when you were together)

4 pinches ground black pepper, use the first two punches to blow it into his eye and the second two get mixed in once he recovers.

The moment he is finished and you have tea in hand, let him go (do not release the alligators). #Flu #Hallucinating #JustKiddingAllOfMyExesAreSweet #Sick #BedRest #HBOGo
5h

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aslan_thedevonrex Is this what hallucinating feels like mom??? #devons #devonrex #devonrexkitten #hallucinating #loopy #lucy 6h

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kenzloes When you've been awake for 28 hours straight and your schedule is booked until 11:30 pm and you wanna die and you literally can't even anymore.... #struggle #help #needJesus #hallucinating #no #plz #saveme #makeitstop #hornsup #gobulls 8h

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remarka6le Anyone else see any of these walking around brisbane today? No? Come on I can't be the only one... #sohot #toodamnhot #penguin #hallucinating #brisbane #heatwave 13h

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shelleybones Morning sky from my bedroom. The upside of being up all night with a fever #hallucinating? 18h

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mbass1995 Paradise! #hallucinating 1d

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pspili Hey, I'm Chica. I don't actually exist, yet somehow I can turn off your ability to access the entire building's ventilation system! Dat logic, am I right? #fnaf3 #chicachicken #hallucinating 1d

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louie_loafer How many trucks can a truck truck if a truck could truck trucks ..whattttt #hallucinating #exhausted 🚛🚛🚛🚛 1d

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X-Pro II Lisa Ayla Schrönen
lisa_schronen A clear representation of my lunch time needs :P Avooooooo nowwwwww. Haha #damnhungry #avolover #hallucinating #avosgrowlegsyouknow #comeatmenow 2d

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