tongue_in_cheek Two shots of vodka all night @thethreediamonddoor with famous mixologists @diananicole @andreabrooklyn @drinkala and @fancyash 2h

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tongue_in_cheek This is me on my birthday after I sliced my hand wide open on a magnum of champagne. Totally normal. Come help me keep celebrating tonight @thethreediamonddoor back room 10-late. I may even show you my gnarly gaping wound. @kerns_lane @kirbybukowski and @nicolette_k will be providing the tunes! 1w

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tongue_in_cheek Same 2w

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tongue_in_cheek She wears short skirts I wear t-shirts she's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers #tbt 2w
  •   erinpetti 🏻🏻🏻🏻🏻🏻🏻🏻🦄🦄🦄 2w
  •   hambone_taco Such likes 2w
  •   freakysecrets You're perfect 🏻 2w
  •   kdbonapart caption 🏻 2w
  •   shmaltzonrye Hella innocent looking. Green for frogs, hair just cut and you know we hated all the stay-at-home moms that volunteered to help on school pic day 2w
  •   tinatartar Same 2w
  •   smeltzmonger this kid is def my friend 2w

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tongue_in_cheek I'll be here all day. Do this with me. @thethreediamonddoor 12-9 3w

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tongue_in_cheek The thrift store gods have once again shone their light upon me 3w
  •   mikemadrigale Snitches get stitches. 3w
  •   ohey What is that? 3w
  •   partyanimal75 Are they Canadian? I don't understand, who would they dial in the case of an emergency. Seems pretty irresponsible to me. 3w

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tongue_in_cheek That feeling when you and your friend accidentally become a Death in June album cover in the middle of a garden labyrinthe on a deep southern plantation. #swampgoth 3w

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tongue_in_cheek You know the Swamp of Sadness where Atreyu's horse Artax slowly drowns in The Neverending Story and you're sure it's not possible to ever feel more sad? This swamp is the opposite of that. 3w
  •   besolojulia I am feeding off your vibes so hard rn. 3w
  •   codi.go that 1 on the right looks v sus 3w

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tongue_in_cheek Have had Kate Bush in my head for so many consecutive hours that I have officially become a babushka, complete with my entire Russian Jew side of the family's nose. But at least I collected a bunch of dead starfish. Bye! 4w

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tongue_in_cheek Well I guess this is growing up. This strong independent woman will be @thethreediamonddoor 12-9 today & tomorrow. 4w

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tongue_in_cheek White girls holding irrelevant objects, making sad faces for no apparent reason #vodkasoda 4w

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tongue_in_cheek Working @birdysbushwick tonight, 5pm-late. Because I'm worth it. 1mon

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tongue_in_cheek Just taking a *me* day 1mon

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tongue_in_cheek Spoiler alert! 1mon

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tongue_in_cheek Friends don't let friends go to Dallas BBQ and drink Bulldog Royals on Christmas alone #communityservice 2mon

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tongue_in_cheek My nephew's new haircut makes him look so mature. They grow up so fast. 🏽 2mon

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tongue_in_cheek I'm working @birdysbushwick with @felishonaleash tonight! Come by and I'll introduce you to my new little buddy, Paul, the preserved poisonous brown snake. Let's slam shots of formaldehyde!!!! 2mon
  •   emilyrwyatt Ughhhhh I can't believe I held that. 2mon
  •   chefnate3 They have 3 penis wine there?!! Be there soon 2mon

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tongue_in_cheek I know right? Working @thethreediamonddoor 10-4 with @drinkala @diananicole @chrissyleeanne and @fancyash. K bye!!! 2mon
  •   simple312 special k. bye 2mon
  •   simple312 this was the guy who killed someone right? documentary party monster mostly at the limelight? 2mon
  •   karolynpho Same 2mon

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tongue_in_cheek I mean I can't say it's not terminally chill when your roommate has an old dorky fluffy pup and you get to snuggle with him all the time 2mon

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