theonion Meteorologists Say Upcoming Hurricane Season To Be Permanent #TheOnion 4h

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theonion #NEWSWIRE: Man Holding Food During Round Of Applause Resorts To Half-Heartedly Tapping Wrists Together #TheOnion 5h

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theonion Family Trying To Tune Out Hints Of Misogyny As Grandfather Lovingly Recalls Courting Grandmother #TheOnion 6h

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theonion Naked, Dripping Wet Tom Brady Thrilled By Judge’s Decision To Overturn Suspension, Imagines Judge #TheOnion 24h

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theonion #NEWSWIRE: Bill Pullman's Home Filled With Photos Of Pizza Parlor Owners He's Met #TheOnion 1d

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theonion Lockheed Martin Sales Staff Instructed To Really Push Tactical Air-To-Surface Missiles This Week #TheOnion 1d

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theonion NASA Deploys Congressional Rover To Search For Funding #TheOnion 2d

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theonion New Dating Site Suggests People You Already Know But Thought You Were Too Good For #TheOnion 2d

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theonion Full Summer Of Tending Backyard Garden Produces Single Edible Cherry Tomato #TheOnion 2d

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theonion #NEWSWIRE: Man Quickly Formulates Attack Plan After Seeing Luggage Slide Onto Baggage Carousel #TheOnion 2d

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theonion Boss Able To Seamlessly Blend Constructive Criticism With Personal Attacks #TheOnion 3d

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theonion #NEWSWIRE: Jury Foreman Announces Plans To Insert Little Pause Between ‘We Find The Defendant’ And ‘Not Guilty’ #TheOnion 3d

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theonion God Wondering How Far He Could Throw Earth #TheOnion 3d

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theonion Ted Cruz Worried All The Good Countries To Wall Off Taken By Other Candidates #TheOnion #politics #Election2016 4d

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theonion Pope Cleans Up Dead Angel Who Flew Into Sistine Chapel Window #TheOnion 4d

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theonion ‘Better Homes & Gardens’ Puts First Plus-Sized Succulent On September Cover #TheOnion 4d

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theonion Neighborhood Starting To Get Too Safe For Family To Afford #TheOnion 1w

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theonion Department Of Labor Study Confirms Your Job Most Demanding #TheOnion 1w

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theonion #NEWSWIRE: Wedding Registry Now Down To $3 Tea Towels, $600 Food Processor #TheOnion 1w

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