thegermaine Pretty little view of the Champs Γ‰lysΓ©es from atop the Arc de Triomphe. If you get bored, count the cars. Leave your answers below. Unless of course you don't want to play then you are just not cool
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3d

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thegermaine Hello, wench in a hat. You don't know I'm taking photos of you, but I am. She actually shot me the dirtiest look when she turned round and saw me with my camera. That's because I was basting oil onto my nipples with a ferret Bonjour from LA TOUR EIFFEL!
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2w

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Normal _Sam 😎
thegermaine C'mon bitches! Move it! Get that bird food out of my bread! You there! I'm not paying you to stare at her arse, that hat isn't hiding anything either, anymore of that and I'll spank yours! Yooooou dirty little TART!!!
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I just realised how unappealing bacon looks close up, and if you're one of those vegetarian people, or even worse, vegan then hush your anti bacon rantings. Someone's gotta eat the meat otherwise we'd be wading through PIGS!!! Your liberal outlook won't save you then when pigs' trotters are clawing at your bed. MWA HA HA
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3w

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thegermaine One coke please, no ice ️
*waits*πŸ˜€
Thanks. *shakes cup*
OH 😐THANKS FOR MY COKE WITH THE ICE IN THAT I DIDN'T ASK FOR I'll now, instead, hand over my nugget for the little people to dunk dunk dunkaroo 🚑
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I'll deduct points for those that comment 'I'm lovin' it' #mcdonalds
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4w

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Normal _Sam 😎
thegermaine Vodka: the distillation of water, potatoes and ethanol used by consumption in order to achieve a state of garish inebriation, annoy anyone in one's immediate vicinity or to strip wallpaper
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1mon

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thegermaine An Instagram account isn't complete without a photo of a lens 😐 Happy pancake day!
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1mon

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Normal _Sam 😎
thegermaine The typical photo adorning spa brochures and healthcare magazines. Not really sure what it's supposed to signify..purity..cleanliness..hmm I did this photo in a dirty frying pan true story. Kinda boring photo, but it's been sitting in my little album thing on my phone and I needed to get rid
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2mon

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thegermaine I don't particularly like posting sunset photos because everybody posts them, usually accompanied by an irrelevant philosopher's quote, and they're so lame. 😴😴 But here's one from Greece last year with a little lonely boat. Just after I took this I was savagely attacked by a hornet. Three times. I even squashed it with my glass and it reincarnated as a scorpion. No need. Not cool bro
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2mon

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thegermaine So my cousin asked me to make her some wedding invitations for her..wedding (surprisingly) and stated she didn't want anything generic and boring; presumably 'generic' means something off-white with gold writing and messages about love and forever blah blah blaaaaaaah vomit vomit, so instead I got to play with little plastic toys for an actual reason! Wine glasses, David Bowie CDs, computers and football are all 'personal' touches etc and the black pentagons on the balls are photos of her baby's scan Awwwwww yes mushy mushy
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2mon

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thegermaine I've been scrolling through my Instagram feed lately and it has become apparent that it's new year..?😯 Thanks for sharing with me your 'best moments' of 2014 on those flipagram things, I really enjoyed seeing your photos pop up. Again. πŸ˜‘ My New Year's resolution is to chop my feet off and attach them to my wrists so I can finally learn the violin and buy a saddle for my Dalmatian in order to ride him to cattle markets. I also need to buy a Dalmation. So here I insert my meaningless generic statement about wishing you the best for the new year and being happy and loved and not dying. Have a blast! ️️🚜🚸
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2mon

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Normal _Sam 😎
thegermaine Here's my submission for the billions of lame photos in #selfiesunday
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By the way, before you ask, this photo isn't real in the slightest. I detest coffee 😐️
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2mon

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thegermaine Not long to go now, kiddies! (Unless you're ahead of the uk, then you can, I dunno, stay quiet) Merry Christmas to all you people that I don't know! Have a blast
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2mon
  •   majumisko 🌲🌲🌲 2mon
  •   happygosparkle Right back at ya, sweet cheeks, aka person I don't know ... but appreciate your humour 2mon
  •   moonchaser__ Merry Christmas to you too 2mon
  •   thebugboy Merry Christmas 2mon
  •   scoochymcnugget Happy new year Tittisha Noir! 2mon
  •   jose416 Cool !! 2mon
  •   steve.geronazzo Merry belated Christmas to you ... the funny guy that I like following but who doesn't know me! 2mon
  •   dovgazitins Happy holidays 2mon

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thegermaine So the other day I was thinking about the most annoying Christmas song. Is it just me.. or would you be happy with a bunch of swimming swans for Christmas? Oh here you go, darling, I bought you a load of maids for the big day. Oh great! Where are they??! Oh they're just milking at the moment. Oh can you just give me a hand with this pear tree, but try not to disturb the PARTRIDGE! Who has partridges???! Also what the hell is a turtle dove? Is it a Pokemon? And for the life of me, I have tried to chase a hen, whether it was French or not, I do not know, but hens hate people. So catching one to give as a present is impossible. I imagine a load of birds sitting in an office with telephone headsets on calling people trying to sell them laying geese for Christmas. What a stupid song. Repetitive, boring and unrealistic. I don't care how many key changes you put in. Merry Christmas. Here is Wall-E having a wonder around my living room. I mean, outside in the snow πŸ˜€(no swan emoji) πŸ„πŸ„πŸ„πŸ„πŸ„πŸ„πŸ„πŸ„
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2mon

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thegermaine I'm glad the yellow pencils state 'yellow pencil' on the side. Otherwise I wouldn't know which were the yellow pencils. 😐#whpyellowpencil #notevenawhp .
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3mon

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thegermaine So yep, it's official, Diane and Roger are an item
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3mon

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thegermaine A little throwback to the summer in Santorini, I posted a similar photo to this a while back but it was a phone pic that I couldn't really be bothered with, this has been given a good seeing to If you're interested, have a look for the other one and compare. But if you're like me, I hate someone I don't know telling me what to do so you probably won't enjoy my generic sunset 😴
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3mon

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thegermaine When you've finished stuffing your faces, would you mind giving me a hand extracting this cake nipple? It's being stubborn and is refusing to move despite me having a warrant for its eviction
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3mon

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thegermaine In his spare time, Pumpkin Elizabeth enjoys pocket-jacking people with his fat dad. By doing so, he manages to lay box eggs which hatch into very ugly box chicks. You may have seen them, the sort of people that sniff their own wrist
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By the way, thanks to everyone who said happy birthday the other day- to celebrate, I dragged a foetus round my garden on a lead
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3mon

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thegermaine So it's my birthday today and these two are representing the amount of cards I've received. Two whole cards. It must be an age thing. When I was 9, I was plagued with cards, literally wading through the buggers, now I'm 24 it seems that everybody has either died or forgotten. Happy birthday to me!
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3mon

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