Rise _Sam 😎
thegermaine Here is Jack and his transsexual lover Jill digging up a magic beanstalk so they can fetch a pale of water and taste some porridge then rub oil into each other's beef curtains. I'm not sure about the credibility of those nursery rhymes. It's been a while
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2d

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Normal _Sam 😎
thegermaine Another piccie from the pastel town Oia in where basically the whole of the island flock to see the sunset. Y'know, one of those things you see everyday. Unless you're blind. Or deaf. No no, just blind. Sorry
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4d

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thegermaine Here is my neigh-bour horsing around. No not really, I'll tell you the tr-hoof. It's me as a neigh neigh with four legs. That's considerably more legs than my actual neighbour. Who is basically a kidney bean
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6d

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Normal _Sam 😎
thegermaine So before the endless, obsessive tirade of red leaves dominate our screens for the next 3 months, I thought I'd get in first with this photo of Pumpkin Elizabeth all lost and bewildered in, well, a tirade of red leaves Happy autumn
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1w

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thegermaine I saw everyone posting photos of ice creams a few weeks ago for some challenge that Instagram was running. Usually someone holding an ice cream up to the sky or in front of them. BOOOOOORING😴😴😴😴😴😴 here is my irrelevant entry for #whpicecream .
By the way, big up to all the losers camping outside Apple shops worldwide waiting for the iPhone 6. Bet you can't wait to be the first person to get your hands on something that'll be out of date next week go home.
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2w

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Normal _Sam 😎
thegermaine So what did the doctor say?
You were right, Helena, it's a growth
What?! 😧😧 what kind of growth??! 😦😦😧😦
It's a tail, ok? A tail. I'm growing a tail
What do you mean, a tail? πŸ˜‘
How else can I mean 'a tail'?! Look!!!
OH MY!!
Er, Cheryl, that isn't a tail. That's a blueberry pie
Oh really? Phew!! Let's both heave a sigh of relief!! Do you want to eat my pie??
Er, I think we shouldn't see each other anymore πŸ˜•
Ah ok, sorry. Bye
Bye
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2w

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thegermaine This was taken a few weeks back in a lavender field- this obviously isn't lavender, but it was nicer than the grey-purple stuff that once WAS lavender. As I was taking it, a very loud, angry man shouted "OI!!GET OUT OF THERE!! I'M SICK OF PEOPLE LIKE YOU!!" Surprised😦 I turned around to face him and decided that if he'd have asked me nicely, I would've indeed left, however, I instead chose to smile at him and carry on walking into his field This, as intended, clearly enraged him as he let his dog off the lead and it came bounding towards meI turned and faced the dog, heart pounding and put my hand out. The dog sat and rolled over as I tickled and stroked his belly (). By this time, I thought the farmer man was about to die/combust with anger as I defied his every tactic, so I walked over to him and told him to "calm down before you have a coronary". He was seething and scarily wide eyed. I jumped into my car and drove off, he walked back into his houseAnd the moral of the story is: next time you're in a field taking photos, take a can of petrol, dowse the crops in it and set fire to EVERYTHING. That way, someone actually has something to moan about
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2w

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thegermaine Er, YOU THERE!! You've had your fun prancing around 'on top of the world', but I'm sorry, sir, you simply cannot park that there. It's a shellth and safety hazard ️
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I actually just snorted at that. I'm so funny ️
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3w

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thegermaine A piccy for many of you wine fans out there. Leading the fans to victory is probably my mother @caroleg49 who is probably salivating at this photo right now, then realising that the glasses aren't quite big enough. By the way, my mum isn't actually an alcoholic, she just drinks an excessive amount ️
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3w

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thegermaine This is either sunset or sunrise in Santorini. I can't remember. I think sunrise because I was naked and crying on the beach. I only do that at sunrise 🌎🌍
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By the way, while I'm on the subject of water, what the hell is with this ice bucket rubbish? Call me old fashioned, but I don't for a second believe that the majority of you are actually donating money to charity after plastering yourselves over social networks, if you want to make a difference, donate the money direct to charity as opposed to letting vanity overshadow what's really important .
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4w

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Normal _Sam 😎
thegermaine I tried my hand at painting last week For my mum's (52nd) birthday I painted her a picture of some poppies in a field. I feel that painting is a real journey of self realisation and discovery; I, myself realised and, shortly after, discovered that I can, in fact, not paint
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4w

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Normal _Sam 😎
thegermaine The baron African wilderness that is my English hometown. You may recognise this beauty as Joanna the Ski Queen from a while back, but now she goes by simply 'Karl'. It's a long story involving a lot of hormone therapy and I have it on good authority that she doesn't want to talk about it. I also think my cat is dyslexic because she won't eat. If n e body els has dis problem plz let me no k thx xx
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1mon

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thegermaine Another little snappette from when I visited the land of Greek yoghurt packaging. There was originally a woman in the bottom right hand corner of this photo with a face like a slapped arse but I hushed her with the clone tool of photoshop 😢 because she was staring and staring and she was making me feel uncomfortable/itchy/sick. Enjoy my lovely dome. Also if you like, tell me about your day, and your hobbies and interests. Actually no. Don't
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1mon

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thegermaine Here is a photo of Pumpkin Elizabeth forgetting how to poach an egg. It just so happens that he is atop a sumptuous bale 😈
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1mon

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Normal _Sam 😎
thegermaine Tina the Willow sadly suffered a miscarriage yesterday. She hasn't stopped weeping 🌳
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By the way, if you're from around where this was taken, i.e, Bromsgrove, (which is probably hardly any of you) you'll know that I haven't edited this at all. Sanders Park really does look all glowing and green and mystical without a single dogger or dirty, incontinent tramp ahhh Bromsgrove ️️️ .
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1mon

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thegermaine So just messing around in fields and juggling with ourselves. #instajuggle #juggleporn Look at those corny hashtags. Corny. Ha. Ohhhh dear πŸ˜•
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1mon

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thegermaine Still chugging through the Santorini photos, I managed to go back and burn that parasol bitch to the groundI actually am that much of a badass and has absolutely nothing at all to do with Photoshop. *nervous laugh*
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1mon

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Normal _Sam 😎
thegermaine Bit of early morning/afternoon/evening/bedtime reading for you, depending on where you are. Don't read too close, I'm not sure what the book is, it just smelt nice
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2mon

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thegermaine My first Instagram video is of Mr Jacob Trott absolutely loving life 😎️
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2mon

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