shewacktastic So yea.... I ran away to California for a week last week. I didn't tell many I went. I went because I needed to get away from NJ. it's been a goal of mine to live out there since I was younger. I had different reasons when I was younger for going out there. I thought I was going to be the next sitcom star. LOL. But even though I can be funny... It's not a goal now. I went there because the weather seems ideal. I can't tolerate the cold. I associate the cold with dying and sadness and turmoil. My mother, father, aunt penny, Robert, aunt Judy, uncle frank and most of my other family that's gone were sick and died in the winter. Another shock was finally having my ex out of my life. Even though we were extremely toxic for each other, he was a constant presence in my life and knew me better then anyone else. It was good and bad. Not having him and lucky around after 7 years was a shock. All of a sudden I found myself alone at a time when I needed emotional support but he was definitely not a positive support system most of the time. I haven't worked in 2 months due to severe anxiety. My main job is filled with chaos and not a safe haven. Retail is a brutal place to be. So....I ran away to see if CALIFORNIA is a good fit. It seems like it would be. I'm hoping to transfer. Here I am at the Hollywood sign at the other side. I did peaceful warrior to center myself on the top of the mountain. I was disappointed I couldn't climb the sign. If I didn't have flip flops on I would have tried to get up there. I learned I like traveling alone. I learned people are nice out there. I learned the quality of aerial studios is amazing. Great teachers out there. I learned final cut is NOT the industry standard for video editing. Coming straight from a professional editor I met. I learned I'm done with living in cities. I have too much anxiety at this time in my life to live in a city. I learned I need a change of surroundings and people. Everywhere I turn in NJ is a reminder of turmoil. So yea. Not sure how or when I'm gonna make CA happen but I'm gonna do it. I'm worried I will feel lonely but I feel that here. Especially this time of year. 1d

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shewacktastic Oh hi. Just stopping by. Not one for a selfie but I can't sleep soo...I decided to play with my iPhone camera. #insomnia #thingswedowhenwecantsleep #curlyhair 4d

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shewacktastic Getting into it is sometimes easier. Getting out is the trick you just want to move slow, focus and then when your mind and body connects, that's when you clean it up and make it yours. 5d

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shewacktastic The only time I'm happy is when I fly with my friends. #upsidedowntherapy #upsidedown #lyra #aerial @repostapp --- Playtime @releaseyogastudio. While I'm doing #inversions, @shewacktastic is on #lyra. #releaseyogaeverydamnday 3w

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Video shewacktastic
shewacktastic I love this woman so much! I'm always flooded with emotion when I hear her sing. 3w

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shewacktastic #happyhalloween photographer: @disfamilyphoto model: @shewacktastic @megantodaro_solivphotography #ghosts #halloween #PaulasCostumeContest last one. LOL. Everyone have a great Halloween. I'm celebrating my birthday tonight quietly with my BFF 3w

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shewacktastic #happyhalloween #streb #burlesque #carmenmiranda #dance #fun #silly "when life gives you lemons, you put them on your boobs" @hedjjy #PaulasCostumeContest 3w

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shewacktastic So....today was a big deal for me. Very emotional. This was a note written to my ex from our waitress but it applies to both of us. We go to a place locally that we consider family. We love it there and we love the people there. Most of you might not know but I've been living with my ex for a few years. We are like brother and sister but I became his mother because he couldn't keep a job and he struggles with drug addiction. Although there were times where he could be a great friend, the chaos and turmoil living with a drug addict is not worth the drama. After a violent interaction a few weeks ago, I was encouraged by a friend to file a complaint. I did but was unable to get a restraining order. My ex did agree to leave by the end of the month. Today was that day. After 7 years of living together, he took lucky and drove to florida to stay with his father. I honestly don't hate him although I know I've expressed it in the past out of being fed up, exhausted and angry for all the horrible things he did to me and my family. It's really over now. 7 years falling in love with lucky. That dog brought me through so much turmoil over the years. Yesterday, I took her for one last swim in the ocean and gave her a great bath. She knew something was up. I gave her many kisses and hugs today. I will have fond memories of her and am thankful I had her during my darkest hours. I hope my ex can get off drugs and pull himself together. When he's not on drugs he can be the funniest, loving and wonderful person. I really hope the best for him. I hope he does know that even though we both said some really evil and nasty things to each other. We were toxic for each other. I can't believe I finally got the courage to get out of this situation. I hope I can heal not just from this, but from all the other loss and turmoil from the past few years. ...........NEXT CHAPTER...... #nextchapter #life #movingon #goingforward #heal #healing #love #loss #forthebest #breathe #rehab #breakup #lifeishard #itwillgetbetter 4w

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shewacktastic Oh...did you miss #cirqueittraining class last night? Oh then you missed trapeze! Oh yea and you missed @jwandras killin' it! Oh you wanna stand and do new tricks on the trapeze too? Well then I better see your beautiful mug next week! You! Yes you! I'm talkin' to you! Next week we got new warm up, new tricks, new music and more fun! #workit #circusgang #releaseyogastudio #asburypark #asburyparknj #trapeze #fun #goodtimes #yogafamily #aerialtherapy #upsidedowntherapy @releaseyogastudio 1mon

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  •   rachel__wallace Yesssss!!!!!!!! 1mon
  •   mandyenright81 I've been dealing with a nasty cold. Will be a game time decision for me Def back at it next week! 1mon

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shewacktastic Happy birthday to my Aunt Penny aka YA in heaven . She would have been 79 today. 2mon

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