Clarendon nicolethebear
nicolethebear Completely unnecessary yet vital weirdness 2d
  •   jammysarah I don't understand 2d
  •   nicolethebear @jammysarah the gold thing goes on your mouth, the white things under each eye. It's supposed to plump my face with radiant youthfulness. In truth it makes me laugh & feels insanely good. I don't understand either. 2d
  •   jammysarah What? I've never heard of such absurdity! Does it work? I imagine you can't look in a mirror as it would make you burst from laughing! 1d
  •   nicolethebear @jammysarah the eye things are excellent hangover soothers or if you're a member of the frequent crier club. I think they work however the gold lips do fuck all other than tempt you to take loads of hilariously heinous selfies. I do however strongly recommend sleeping in a light coating of snail mucous. 23h

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nicolethebear Currently looking at flights so that I can maintain my strict December January routine of major roof deck sundowners with Donna 2d

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nicolethebear The actual star of today's shoot isn't Gary, it's the beautiful Petunia #homelife 5d

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nicolethebear It is #nationaldogday so here is Morris & I last time I was out on holiday spending quality time with him, on a morning he was being particularly mournful. I think it was probably because he had just realised he'd never grow as tall as the great danes #dogsofinstagram #bassetthound 6d

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nicolethebear Dying over these by @theholymountainism #heavymetalstackers check them out if you fancy winning/buying these stunners. @cheesecakeweasel we both need all of these for max Nicole power 1w

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nicolethebear I could show you the fetid swamp pool I have just tackled but here are the poisonous berries from my garden instead. 1w
  •   jammysarah Rowan berries ain't poisonous. You can eat them but too tart really. Instead you can make rowan berry wine, jelly or leather. Don't be afraid 1w
  •   nicolethebear @jammysarah I've been lied to all this time! 1w
  •   jammysarah Indeed you have! I was too so you're not on you're own. We get told everything wild is poisonous so we don't get confused as kids and eat something bad. Only obvious things like blackberries were we ever given the go ahead. Shame huh! ️there was a berry bush in the school playground that we were told NEVER to eat because it was poisonous (I think they were) but my friend and I used to feast on them every playtime, and we're alright! 1w
  •   nicolethebear @jammysarah I've lived with this tree for 10+ years! Bring on the sketchy winemaking 1w

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nicolethebear I am a cauliflower hot wing wizard 2w

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nicolethebear I don't understand but I am willing to try 4w

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nicolethebear New approach to murder. Kill colleagues with chocolate & double cream #homelife 1mon

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nicolethebear Those nutrients got in how? #fruity 1mon

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nicolethebear If this pic of Nina the bassett doesn't make you laugh you might be dead inside & should get that looked at. #dogsofinstagram #bassethound #teeth #smile 2mon

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nicolethebear This is my rifle. There are many like it but this one is mine. My rifle is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I master life. Without me my rifle is useless. Without my rifle I am useless. I must fire my rifle true. I must shoot straighter than my enemy, who is trying to kill me. I must shoot him before he shoots me. It might be too late for that last one, but you better be ready for war. #nerfwar #shotsfired #homelife 2mon

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nicolethebear The struggle is real 2mon

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nicolethebear Midsummer feels like autumn & shut up brain. Good night. 2mon

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nicolethebear Just finished up doing the most ratchet job of mowing the lawn ever. Bonfire ready to burn at a moments weirdness. 3mon

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nicolethebear @waltonyeah totally pulled last night at #templesfestival #sotender 3mon

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nicolethebear #weedeater cymbal kicking brilliance from last night with @cheesecakeweasel at #templesfestival 3mon

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nicolethebear So someone has already lost their knickers. Stay classy Slamdunk. #slamdunk #hashtagsarevulgar #soislosingyourpantiesat4pm 3mon
  •   jammysarah Maybe they'd just dropped out of the bottom of their trousers from when they took them off last night? 3mon

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nicolethebear Pregaming with @blktphotography long overdue 3mon

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