missaj89 What anxiety and depression does to you; Steals all your energy, refuse you to sleep, kicks you in your stomach and makes you hyperventilate through several panic attacks. And when you're finally calm again, sadness takes over and fill you with so much self hate, trying to convince you that you deserve to die.
It's been days since i had the strength to even take a shower, just because i'm too exhausted.
The reason i'm posting this shameful rant is because i want to share how it really is, how bad days are. I've often been told to "think positive. Go outside, socialize with people. You're being over dramatic." Or the one that hurts the most; "you've got at least try to work with it/make it better". Like i like to live like this. Like i'm glad i'm wasting my life, and will most likely never have a "normal life".
All i want is to just try to explain this. I'm not lazy, i don't lie on the couch all day sleeping. From the moment i wake up in the morning i start working. And when i finally fall asleep at night, that's when i get off work.
Don't judge me. Because here i am today, alive. And that achievement is something that no one never can take away from me!
Family, friends; Thank you for your patience with me. I love you
6d

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Normal AnnJ .25y. Norway
missaj89 Excuse me you weird creature, but is it possible to ask for some crumbs..? 7d

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missaj89 A picture that describes my entire weekend!. It's almost a brand new week with a clean slate, and a long and stupid week can finally be put away. It has been a week filled with a lot of pain and hopelessness, with minimal of sleep that has worsened my dissociation. I almost got admitted couple of days ago because I was too sick to be left home alone, but after a few hours at the e.r, i could luckily go home. It scares me more having to go back on the closed ward, than actually having to stand through this. I really want to handle this myself. Working with post traumatic disorder is a shitty job. But for each day i manage to get through, the faster it goes until I can get well and healthy again.
So I'll try to treat you better, new week.
2w

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Normal AnnJ .25y. Norway
missaj89 Happy new year to all my wonderful followers! Hope you all had a great day yesterday Poor Marta was so anxious and so stressed the hole night because of the firework.. But she's much better now after hours of cuddling How does your dog(s) react to fireworks? 4w

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missaj89 I can't wait till christmas and new year's eve is over.. not a favourite holiday for my mental health! 1mon

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1mon missaj89
Normal AnnJ .25y. Norway
missaj89 Wish you all a merry christmas! Love from Marta and mommy 1mon

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missaj89 Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. Now there's no longer any doubt, Santa Claus exists! And here you have proof. I was lucky enough to caught one of Santa's little helpers in the act as it sneaked around in the house. But she promise extra gifts under the Christmas tree to those who promise not to tell Santa about her little miss! So keep your mouth closed, and Merry Christmas to everyone! 1mon

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missaj89 One week until Christmas. Where did the fall go?! The autumn has really been long, yet not. The past months has for me been a tremendous challenge. Treatment has been very hard and has required so much from me.
So in a nutshell my fall have consisted of three things; sleep, eat and being passed out on tranquilizers. 
I really wish it all will be ok again for Christmas. 
Today I once again challenged myself. Maybe not entirely voluntary, but my psychologist made me talk about something I've never dared to before. Very good, but my feelings do not agree on that. So this evening I have (and still do until i get calm again) baked lots of christmas cookies that's gonna be Christmas gifts. Anything to cope with this. 
But when I look back at this fall, I can see a strength I didn't have just a few years back. Treatment and recovery will be worth all the hard work.
1mon

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