iamlovedrunk I feel like I do this with every chapter but I'm so sorry for the super long wait for an update!!! Here it is 5mon
  •   iamlovedrunk Chapter 13- (Kendal's POV)
    I sit in my bedroom later that night still a little shaken by the memories of my past hitting me like a ton of bricks at Josh's house. 'Maybe I should call James,' I think to myself, 'I know that he's tried to get in touch with me since I moved to LA but by me erasing my past, I had to shut him out.' I unlock my phone and go to my voicemail. I scroll down until I find the last one from my brother. 5mon
  •   iamlovedrunk "Hey Kendal! I don't know if you're going to reply to this or not but I tried out for the LA Dodgers today and I think I might get put on the team! So if I make it then I'll hook you up with some tickets," he says with a laugh, "okay well I love you Kenny, please call me back when you get this." Tears drop from my eyes and take a deep breath. I hit the call button and hold my breath as it rings. 'Maybe if I hang up now it'll be okay,' my stomach is in knots and my hands are shaking. "Hello?" I burst into tears, this is the first time I've heard his voice not through at voicemail in two years 5mon
  •   iamlovedrunk "Hello? Kendal? Is that you?" I calm myself down enough to respond, "hey Jimmy." "Oh my gosh Ken! How've you been?" I can tell that he's shocked that I called him for once. "I've been good, great actually," I say as the smile on my face grows. "I'm so glad Kendal! What have you been up to?" I tell him everything from working on the movie to my relationship with Josh. "Wait you mean the movie star that you've been in love with since you were a kid?" I laugh, "yeah!" He starts cracking up and I ask him about his life. I find out he's the first baseman for the Dodgers, he has a girlfriend named Hannah, and lives about 20 minutes away from me. 5mon
  •   iamlovedrunk We talk for two hours and before we hang up we make plans to meet up tomorrow so I can meet Hannah and he can maybe meet Josh. I put the phone down and it feels like a giant weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I walk into the bathroom to get ready for bed. When I get in there I look at the scale that's sitting next to my bathtub and I choose to instead of following my usual routine of weighing myself then taking a shower, I fill up the tub with warm water and good amount of my favorite bubble bath. 5mon
  •   iamlovedrunk I usually hate taking baths because it takes longer and that means I think more and ends with me staring at my scars and feeling like shit. But not tonight. I let the tub fill and I go back into my room to grab a book to read. I settle on 'The Hunger Games' because I haven't read the first book in what seems like forever and I can imagine that I'm Katniss and Josh is Peeta. Dorky, I know, but I'm determined to relax tonight and not think about all of my issues from the past. #holdontightff 5mon
  •   maddyben31 This is amazing!! Can you tag me? 5mon

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Valencia iamlovedrunk

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iamlovedrunk Fuck having a job where I can't do pretty things like this to my hair #purpleombre #iwish 5mon

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iamlovedrunk GUYS @dinahjane97 LIKED AND COMMENTED ON MY EDIT!!!! IM FANGIRLING SO HARD RIGHT NOW AKKKK!!!!!! 5mon

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iamlovedrunk Chapter 12: (Kendall's POV)
It's a few days after my doctors appointment and Josh and I are hanging out at his house. I cuddle into him as we watch 'A Walk To Remember'. I love these days off with him; just being together. No big plans, no schedule to keep; just us sitting on couch, enjoying each other's company. The movie ends and Josh kisses my head, "hey Kendal?" "Yes?" I respond sweetly. "Can I ask you a question?" I sit up so that we're face to face, "of course. What's up?" "I've just been thinking a lot lately and I realized that I know virtually nothing about you," oh no this sounds like the beginning of a cheesy breakup. "Like I obviously know about you career and what you want in the future. But when it comes to your past I don't know anything." My heart begins to race, I knew that he would ask eventually but I wasn't ready to answer now. "I guess I just want to know why." My eyes fall to the floor, "I guess I try to block it out of my memory."
5mon
  •   iamlovedrunk *flashback to five years ago*
    (Kendal's fifteen years old)
    "Come on, fat ass," my mom screams as I walk down the stairs, "we're going to be late!" I walk into her view and instantly see the disgust written all over her face. "Are you really wearing that?" "What's wrong with it?" I ask sheepishly. I had on my black vans, leather skirt, and a white tank top with a denim jacket. "Kendal, you have a major muffin top with skirt and shirt," even though she says it in a sympathetic tone, her words still hurt. 'I haven't eaten in days, how does this still not look good enough for her?' I ask myself. 5mon
  •   iamlovedrunk "Ugh whatever, we don't have time for you to change into something that actually looks good," she states harshly. I feel like crying but I know that if she sees even a single tear, she'll get even more angry at me. I reluctant follow my mother out of our small home and into her beat up Chevy. She drives down the road, towards the high school for my brothers graduation. "Shit," my mom mumbles under her breath; we pull into the parking lot right as graduation music starts. She grabs my arm and practically drags me to the football fields bleachers and we sit down in the first seats we could find. 5mon
  •   iamlovedrunk After the valedictorian reads her speech, they begin to read off the names of the graduates so that they can walk up and get their diplomas. "James Drake," the principal reads and everyone cheers while my brother walks across the stage and he's handed his diploma. I look over at my mom to see her actually smiling with tears of joy filling her eyes, for once. My mom had my brother when she was my age and me when she was nineteen; I think since she didn't graduate high school, seeing my brother walk was bringing up all those old emotions or possible regret. But I would like to think that she's for the most part proud of him for doing what she didnt do; he didn't get someone pregnant and got a full ride UCLA for baseball and academics. 5mon
  •   iamlovedrunk The ceremony ends an hour later and my mom and I walk up to James. "I'm so proud of you James," my mom says as she embraces my brother. I don't think that I've ever seen my mom this happy about something other than money to buy drugs and/or alcohol. "Thanks mom," he says with a smile, probably because it's the first time she told him that he made her proud instead of ruined her life. He turns to me and gives me a hug, "good job, Jimmy." "Thanks Ken," he says as the hug ends. I lean on my brother so much, especially with our dysfunctional household. Since James has plans tonight, we all go out to the local ice cream parlor and have celebratory sundaes. My mom and brother devour their food but I play with mine until it's a puddle in the bowl. 5mon
  •   iamlovedrunk Later that night, I stand in front of the full length mirror in my bedroom and examine my body. 'I hate myself! I hate my mom! I hate feeling like this!' I think as tears roll down my cheeks. My eyes land on my wrists and then I see the razor blade on my dresser... 5mon
  •   iamlovedrunk *End of Flashback*
    I cringe slightly at the memory and glance at my covered arms. "My childhood wasn't the best and I guess I avoid the subject because I don't want to be reminded of how shitty my life used to be," I tell Josh, still looking at the ground. He lifts my chin so that I'm looking at him, "I understand. I just hope that one day, whenever you're ready, that you'll open up to me." I nod and he kisses me gently. I wrap my arms around his neck and he holds me in his arms and scratches my back. Even though I couldn't feel safer or more comfortable in this moment, I can't help but have my entire body consumed with the fear that I am falling in love with Josh. #HoldOnTightFF 5mon

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Normal iamlovedrunk
iamlovedrunk So I've been really into making punk edits lately... Should I post more?? #iamlovedrunkedits 6mon

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iamlovedrunk Niall + a leather jacket + the chest hair = my heart bursting from feels 6mon

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iamlovedrunk HOW THE HELL CAN DEMI FREAKIN LAVOTO SHAVE HER HEAD AND STILL LOOK SO DAMN BEAUTIFUL!?!!?!?!? #demilovato 6mon

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iamlovedrunk So this isn't one of the best chapters I've ever written but I hope you guys enjoy it anyways! 6mon
  •   iamlovedrunk Chapter 11: (Kendal's POV)
    *Three Weeks Later*
    The past month has been amazing. Josh and I became an official couple and we've spent practically every waking moment together. I also gained two more assistants, one, Kathy, who is a great seamstress and the other, Jasmine, is just starting out in the wardrobe realm and is a fast learner. 'Last Shot' is still going but we'll be wrapping up within the next three to four weeks.6mon
  •   iamlovedrunk But one thing that didn't happen is I didn't gain the five pounds. My appointment with Dr. Ryan is tomorrow and I'm slowly beginning to realize that I will be admitted into rehab. As I sit in the wardrobe trailer, I wonder what's going to happen to me. I mean, ever since Josh and I started talking, I'm not depressed anymore; I just don't eat. And if I do eat, I am quickly able to get it out of my system. But tomorrow I'm going to be forced into rehab, forced to gain weight, and worst of all, I'm going to have to open up about my past. That is, unless I can do something to avoid it. 'I can't cancel the appointment because he'll figure that it's because I know where I'm going to end up,' I think to myself as I sip on my water and organize the racks. 'Wait,' I think as I finish one rack, 'I think I know how to 'gain' the weight.' 6mon
  •   iamlovedrunk *The Next Day*
    I sit in the waiting room with my heart beating so hard I think that it may burst. Under my loose fitting dress and light cardigan, I duct taped two, three pound, metal paper weights to my hips. I've seen a few models and actresses do this in order to pass the rare weight requirement that some directors/photographers may have. "Kendal Drake?" I look over to see a young, blonde nurse standing at the entrance doors with a clipboard. I stand up and walk towards her, "that's me." "Okay, if you would please follow me," she turns on her heel and I follow her down the deserted halls of the hospital. "Dr. Ryan will be right with you," she tells me as we walk into a room and motions for me to sit on the 'bed'. "Okay thank you." She walks out of the room and I look down on my phone to see if there are any updates from Sean. I left him in charge until I get there and I am demanding to know how things are going. 'About to start filming Act one scene 4, here's the pictures of the actors in their wardrobe,' I read Sean's text and scroll though the pictures. I let out a sigh of relief when I see that everyone is dressed according to the scene. 6mon
  •   iamlovedrunk "It's nice to see you again Miss Drake," I look up as see Dr. Ryan walking into the room. "Like wise." "And I believe that you recall our deal correct?" I nod, "it's pretty hard to forget when someone gives you a second chance." He gives me a soft smile, "so, are you ready to see if you've done it?" I nod and take a deep breath as if I'm nervous. "Okay just take off your cardigan and hop on the scale." I do as he says and take another dramatic deep breath before squeezing my eyes shut and stepping on the cold metal of the scale. I keep my eyes closed until I hear him say, "congratulations Kendal. Looks like someone isn't going to any form of rehabilitation any time soon." I quickly open my eyes and look at the scale that reads '121'. I resist the urge to cringe at the number and instead jump off the scale and let out a small cheer. 6mon
  •   iamlovedrunk "I'm really proud of you Kendal, you just accomplished an amazing first step in the right direction," Dr. Ryan says with a big smile on his face. "No, thank you Dr. Ryan for giving me the chance to do it on my own." The amount of bull shit coming out of my mouth is enough to make someone puke but people buy it: every time. "Okay," he says after writing something on his clipboard, "you're free to go Miss Drake." "Thank you so much," I tell him as I grab my sweater and walk out the door. 'I did it! I actually did it!' I celebrate on the inside as I walk out of the building and to my car. Once I'm sitting in the drivers seat, I reach under my dress and rip the duct tape off, not even caring about how much pain it caused. I was too happy to care about anything! I wasn't going to rehab! I don't have to gain weight! I'm not going to get fat! I plug my iPod into my cars adaptor and blast Miley Cyrus's 'Someone Else' and sing along at the top of my lungs. Nothing can make ruin this day for me, and I truly mean nothing! 6mon
  •   iamlovedrunk I make it to the set in record time and walk to the wardrobe trailer. I open the door to find Sean furiously typing something on his phone. "Hey where are Kathy and Jasmine?" I ask and Sean jumps, clearly startled. "Oh Kathy is on set in case something happens to the clothes, and Jasmine went to get us all lunch." I nod, put my purse on the small table, and sit on the couch. "So where were you this morning?" "I had a follow up with Dr. Ryan." He nods but doesn't ask any thing else. I think a small piece of me wants him to ask, so that I can have at least one person know what I'm going through. But like I said, it's only a small part of me. #holdontightff 6mon

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iamlovedrunk Holy poop Demi is PERFECT 6mon

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Rise iamlovedrunk
iamlovedrunk Jesy is honestly the most perfect human beings on this planet! UGH CAN I JUST BE YOU PLEASE?!??? 6mon

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iamlovedrunk Hey does anyone know any good fanfics that I should check out? If so comment either the hashtag or tag the user!!! 6mon

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iamlovedrunk Can @ddlovato stop being so damn flawless?!?!?!? 6mon

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iamlovedrunk Chapter 10- (Kendall's POV)
I fill out the last of my paperwork and then Sean and I leave the hospital and head straight to the car to get to the location. Sean refuses to let me drive given the fact that I already had a 'near death' experience today and I shouldn't go for a second one. I roll my eyes but don't argue as I slide into the passenger seat. He bring the car to life and zooms out of the parking lot and races through the constant California traffic. We get to the location with in 40 minutes, which is impressive considering that it usually would take an hour. Once he put the car in park, we hope out and walk to the wardrobe trailer. "I called Rachel while we were at the hospital and she put all of today's outfits in the actors trailers." "Oh that was so sweet of her!" Rachel is Mr. King's assistant and one of the kindest girls on the staff.
6mon
  •   iamlovedrunk "Hey," I turn around to see Josh standing behind me. "Oh hey," I say, giving him a hug, "how are you?" "Better now that you're here," he says in a low tone and kisses my forehead. I feel my cheeks start to blush, so I let my arms drop from his torso and he releases my body from his. "Last night was truly amazing, it's all I could think about this morning," I tell him shyly, praying that I didn't seem like the super clingy type of girl who thinks that she's in a committed relationship after only one date. "I feel the same way!" I look up into his beautiful, hazel eyes and smile, "I'm glad." "Okay love birds," Ashley says as she walks towards us, "I think James wants to finish this scene so you guys are going to have to break it up." I feel my face turn bright red and Josh kisses my warm cheek, "okay let's get this done!" I walk over to the side, behind the production team and watch the entire scene unfold in front of my eyes. 6mon
  •   iamlovedrunk "So you're the famous Kendal," I turn to my left to see a guy not much younger than Josh standing next to me. "Oh I'm far from famous," I tell him, "I'm just the person who dresses the famous people." The kid laughs, "Josh was right, you are funny." I give him a confused look and he begins to explain, "I'm the lesser known Hutcherson," he puts out his hand, "Connor, Josh's younger brother." I give him my hand and he gives it a slight shake, "it's nice to meet you." "Like wise." I'm about to ask him what he's doing here, not in a rude way just because I'm simply curious; but I don't get the chance because one of the crew members shouts, "Quiet on set! Maker!" And then James Kings voice rings out, "and Action!" 6mon
  •   iamlovedrunk We watch the scene unfold in front of us and I feel like it gets better every time they do a new take. Within a matter of minutes, the scene ends, again with both Ashley and Josh with tears in their eyes. That's what I think is so remarkable about actors, they're able to manipulate their emotions so well; with some actors, they get so into their role that you feel as though they're actually their character and just acting like themselves off the set. Once James calls cut, Josh walks over to us and puts is arm around my shoulders, "I see you've had the pleasure of meeting my punk of a bother." I nod, I can't help but fangirl on the inside. Here I am, working my dream job and I am dating the one and only Josh Hutcherson, who clearly likes me too considering he's willing to introduce me to his brother. 6mon
  •   iamlovedrunk "Well I better get back to wardrobe and get this organized for the rest of the day," I say after a minute or two of us all talking, "speaking of which, you should probably change out of that suit and into the clothes for scene five." He nods and Connor excuses himself to go to back to the tech crew. Josh and I walk back to the wardrobe trailer in silence. And it wasn't the usual awkward, new couple silence; it was a comforting we don't need to talk silence. In that moment, I was so tempted to reveal my secret to Josh; but the silence was so peaceful and perfect, I couldn't bear to ruin the moment with the truth of all my baggage and hardships. And plus, I don't want to sabotage something that truly isn't anything yet, but could possibly be the best thing that has ever happened to me. #holdontightff 6mon
  •   iamlovedrunk @chimangagirl sure!!! 6mon
  •   primrose_maximum Can u tag me plzz 6mon

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iamlovedrunk Actually died for a good five minutes because of this #WinterOlympics #LoserKeepsBieber 6mon

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iamlovedrunk @ddlovato was so amazing yesterday! The fact that I got to see her live and share the same oxygen with a person I look up to so much was truly amazing! I LOVE Demi so much because she taught me one of the most valuable lessons of all time; how to stay strong when all you want to do is break down and give up. So thank you for that Demi. I love you so much and will always be a #Lovatic 6mon

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iamlovedrunk So as a lot of you may know, I've been through hell and back this past year due to the way everything ended with Ryan (my exboyfriend who broke up with me two days before he moved to California). And it's crazy to think that a year ago on valentines day, I was alone in my room, crying, watching netflix, eating ice cream and chocolate, and just feeling like shit about myself and my heart was shattered. But lucky for me, not only do I have an amazing group of friends who picked me up and dusted me off, but I also have all of you guys. I am so unbelievably grateful for each and everyone of my followers and you're all beautiful and amazing! Whether you've been following me since day one, or just started, I just want to say thank you for allowing Instagram to not only be the place I posted my stories, but to be a place to vent. I love you all so much and I hope that each of you have an amazing Valentines Day tomorrow :) 6mon

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