foreverdieting Today has been horrible. Got sent home from work again... Which makes me feel pathetic. Feeling very anxious and very sad. I want more than anything to be able to go to my Grampa's graveside service. I have found much cheaper flights to the US yet still can't go. It's so frustrating and I feel awful. Just lying in bed feeling trapped. Having strong urges for the first time in about a week to binge eat. :( Urgh, I feel like such a fuck-up. 22min
  •   barbcro I'm so sad for you :( I'd totally give you the money to go to the service but I don't have soo much money. 10min
  •   tbaxter2 We were searching for your mobile number this morning to ring you and say you didn't have to come in. I know how your feeling. My thoughts are with you 9min

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foreverdieting Really need to tackle this sympathy letter for my Granny. :( Also have to reply to the letter she sent back in March 2014, as my original reply got lost in the postal system :( Hard though cos the letter she originally wrote talks a lot about my Grampa being sick & almost dying late last year. :( I have prepared some paper but I just don't know where to start. :( Grampa's graveside service is on Tuesday & I feel like I NEED to be there. :( I need to be there for my Granny & to have the feeling of getting to sort of see my Grampa. :( I just don't have the £1500 I need for the flights. Why is life so unfair? 6h

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foreverdieting Outgoing snailmail for Vanessa. I did a completely cat themed letter! I was so happy with it! 19h

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foreverdieting Starting my snailmail for Vanessa. Need to offload a lot of emotion. 2d

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foreverdieting Today's purchases at The Range. I never knew picking a 'sympathy' card would be so emotional. Been sent home from work to grieve... 2d
  •   snailemmail Sending you big hugs!!! :((( 2d
  •   inthelifeoflolza Completely unaware of the situation, but sending all my love your way. Loss is a terrible thing and as tempted as I am to tell you that time heals, I don't want to undermine how you're feeling with the promise of it getting better eventually. Take all of the time you need, rest up too. You can't be sad if you're snoozing. <3 xxxx 2d
  •   foreverdieting @inthelifeoflolza "you can't be sad if you're snoozing". I love that & never thought of that before. I'm gunna try get an early night. I'm so tired. Who knew crying could be so exhausting. :( I will explain what happened in my next letter to you xxxx 2d
  •   heidilizabeth1985 Xxhugsxx 2d
  •   foreverdieting @heidilizabeth1985 thank you :) xx 2d
  •   foreverdieting @snailemmail love you emmaaaaaa 2d

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foreverdieting Today can do one. I am an emotional wreck, crying at every little thing. I know I should be celebrating your life but I just can't stop crying. Thousands & thousands of miles separated us and I haven't seen you in 18 years, yet the pain is still very real. I was hopefully going to see you next Summer but that looks like it's out of the window, not your fault of course... I'm just being selfish. Been to The Range and I'm now in Starbucks, just trying to chill the fuck out before work. You've gone too soon and heaven has gained another angel. We'll meet again one day, I'm just sorry it won't be on Earth. Love you always. 2d

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foreverdieting 'The Original' Filofax (personal size) is finally here & it's all mine! It is beautiful! The monochrome matches my nails! SO in love right now. 3d

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foreverdieting Today's outgoing snailmail for @heidilizabeth1985 3d

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foreverdieting Feeling extreme naughty right now eating this Snickers (kinda good though cos I did originally pick up a whole pack of caramel digestives, but I put them back & replaced them with this). Waiting for @foreverfootball to get his arse back home! 4d

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foreverdieting Today's car booty finds! A beautiful large blanket, a tie dye top & some patterned sticky notes - total spend £1.70 (& 60p entry fee on top of that). Bargain! 4d

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foreverdieting Writing to my boss to request time off next year to visit my Dad. Fingers crossed he says yes to my letter. So nervous! 6d

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foreverdieting Dinner today is a huge salad (that I couldn't wait to get stuck into). Mixed salad leaves, celery, hummus, shredded beetroot, grated smoked soya, balsamic vinaigrette and Tabasco! 7d

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foreverdieting My lovely little local post box! 1w

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foreverdieting Thank you for the tag @boneybutterfly.

1. I turned 21 this year.
2. I'm in a long-term relationship (3 years, 4 months) with @foreverfootball.
3. I collect keyrings, Starbucks cards, cute stationary and cat related things.
4. I'm extremely unhappy with my weight and the way I look.
5. I love snailmailing!
6. This year I learnt how to sew!
7. I rarely exercise anymore...
8. I drink so much caffeine on a daily basis, including low kcal energy drinks.
9. My bedroom is seriously cluttered and even when it's "clean" it looks a mess...
10. I love driving.
11. I have a huge fear of the dentist.
12. I am an IG addict.
13. I suffer with depression and anxiety.
14. My kitty's named Muesli and my dog's named Willow.
15. My favourite types of takeaway are Indian and big fat greasy pizzas!
16. I am a pescitarian (I eat fish, but not meat).
17. I have been obsessed with my weight and weight loss since Sept' 2009, when I was at my largest and I first joined Slimming World.
18. I love to shop in charity shops and go to bootsale a regularly.
19. I study Travel and Tourism.
20. My favourite coffee shop is Starbucks and my order is a skinny mocha, no cream, with sugar-free vanilla or hazelnut.

Thinking of 20 facts about me was harder than I thought..
1w

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foreverdieting I feel like I am losing control. Last week I was so strict calories wise - always under my calorie allowance everyday and I didn't lose any weight whatsoever - not even a quarter of a lb... I am living in baggy clothes and big winter jumpers everyday and it's horribly hot but I feel like I can't leave the house in anything that shows my tummy shape. Today I have had 289 calories and a zero kcal monster. I have just made myself a mug shot (215kcal) and trying to make myself eat it but I just don't feel hungry & don't want to touch it. What the fuck is wrong with me? Feeling so low today. 1w

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