fakelimanpayne I don't have cancer, but I am not in any clear. Currently I'm taking two different kind of meds. One in which I can sleep my whole day away and the other I can't eat or drink before I take it. My vocals are still swollen and my throat is still red. In a couple days it'll mark half a year since I lost my voice. 6 months of not being able to talk. I can't go to school (in which if I were to I would be going back in a couple of weeks) I can't drive because the medicine makes me sleepy and I can't work because I can't talk. If I don't post for a few days, please understand I'm going through a life changing event. Speech therapy didn't work and my doctor is really puzzled on what's happening. I have videos up on what I sound like so if you don't believe me scroll around and listen to my voice. I will make another video tomorrow. I have good days where I can be heard and I have bad days where my voice is gone and my throat hurts so bad. Of course I'm scared, no one knows what I have. It's a rare form and they haven't even fully diagnosed me yet. I spend majority of my day sleeping now or trying my best to gain strength in my voice again. I've been in so much pain lately and even when I open and tell someone there's nothing they can do because they don't know what it is so the pain has to go away on it's own. I don't know what's happening to me and that's the scariest thing. Not knowing if or when you'll wake up next. And the sad part? I haven't even begun to live my life yet. I've only just started because I had this same exact problem a year ago and it put me on hold for the longest time. My life as I know it? Nonexistent. I'm sad and confused and lonely and I need friends who won't leave me like mine have done in the past. No one wants a friend who can't talk and sounds like batman taking breathing breaks every minute just to form a few words at a time. 21h
  •   ohmyatlanta and ps my kik is still ohmyatlanta or you can DM me or send me smoke signals or one of those mail pigeons idc how you contact me I just want you to know I'm here if you need someone to listen!!! xoxoxoxo 15h
  •   oh_heyitsrayray I'm thinking of you!! 14h
  •   fakelimanpayne @ohmyatlanta Yeah. I couldn't talk for about the first three months and then the three months after I was able to talk but it's become a struggle. 14h
  •   haileebeckett_ Kik me! Im here for you :) haileebeckett_ 14h
  •   giu_martinez There's a Brazilian song -sang by Lulu Santos- that says (sorry if I make any mistake in translation) "Everything passes, everything will always pass. Life comes in waves, like the sea. In a infinite coming and going." So honey, don't worry, things will get better to you. The same way that bad things come at you, good things will too. Stay strong, and keep fighting! 14h
  •   r.oseee I don't know what its like to go through what you're going through, or even come close to that amount of pain, but I know how to be a good friend. You are one of the strongest people I've heard of. You can DM me anytime you need someone to talk to and I promise I'll respond as soon as I can. Praying for you! 12h
  •   _leahjanelle Do you have a twitter? 11h
  •   fakelimanpayne @_leahjanelle fcknliams is my twitter 7h

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fakelimanpayne i tried to forget you
i really did
but when you kissed
me
you left seeds
all over my skin
and then those seeds
they sprouted flowers
that i did not
need
and here i sit,
picking these leaves.
i tried to forget you,
i really did.
but when you smiled at me
you caused me to
sin.
and i did not want that
i did not need that.
and here i sit
throwing these leaves in the bin.
i tried to forget you,
i really did,
but you sprouted flowers
all over my skin.
instead of a broken heart
that i would've been able to mend
i grew flowers
on the outside of my skin.
-a poem written by me dedicated to a dream I had about Harry.
#harrystyles #harry #styles #onedirection #one #direction #1d #harrythrist #onedirectionthirst #mypoem.
2d

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fakelimanpayne yo I just read a Narry fic and that was gruesome i am now bathing in holy water after what I just read holy cheeze crackers that rlly has messed up I am not okay goodbye this picture and that fic goodbye you are the weakest link goodbye. #harrystyles #harry #styles #harrythirst #niallhoran #niall #horan #niallthirst #onedirection #one #direction #1d #onedirectionthirst #narry #narrythirst 3d

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fakelimanpayne COMIC CON IS TOMORROW AND I AM so excited I'm gonna look for so many people who dress up like doctor who again bc I did that last year. And also, they have a lot of One Direction stuff at the booths so hmm maybe a giveaway lmao idk yet it depends on what I see and how much I'm trying to spend but omg COMIC CON IS TOMORROW I LOVE GOING I GO EVERY YEAR DOCTOR who STUFF HERE I COME omg one year I got an all time low poster so this year I wonder if they'll have 5sos and one direction again whorl amalgams so stocked byE also, what a Niall doing I just what are they all doing ? ?? ??? ???? #niallhoran #niall #horan #niallthirst #liampayne #liam #payne #liamthirst #louistomlinson #louis #tomlinson #louisthirst #zaynmalik #zayn #malik #zaynthirst #harrystyles #harry #styles #harrythirst #onedirection #one #direction #1d #onedirectionthirst #comiccon2014 4d

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fakelimanpayne DO YOU EVER WANNA MEET SOMEONE IN PERSON SO BAD YOU GET ALL EXCITED THINKING ABOUT IT AND MENTALLY PLAN OUT A DAY EVEN THOUGH ITS NEVER GONNA HAPPEN #harrystyles #harry #styles #onedirection #one #direction #1d #harrythirst #onedirectionthirst 5d

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fakelimanpayne Girls of all kinds can be beautiful – from the thin, plus-sized, short, very tall, ebony to porcelain-skinned; the quirky, clumsy, shy, outgoing and all in between. It’s not easy though because many people still put beauty into a confining, narrow box. Think outside of the box. Pledge that you will look in the mirror and find the unique beauty in you. Because, the less you care; the happier you will be. Be happy. Be true. Be you. #happy4years #harrystyles #harry #styles #louistomlinson #louis #tomlinson #zaynmalik #zayn #malik #liampayne #liam #payne #niallhoran #niall #horan #harrythirst #zaynthirst #louisthirst #niallthirst #liamthirst #onedirection #one #direction #onedirectionthirst #1d 6d

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fakelimanpayne Don’t let people treat you like a cigarette, they only use you when they’re bored and step on you when they’re done. Be like drugs, let them die for you. #harrystyles #harry #styles #onedirection #one #direction #onedirectionthirst #harrythirst #1d 1w

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fakelimanpayne Men want us to kiss them with beards, suck their dicks and kiss their balls with pubes, hug them with hairy arm pits, intwine our legs with hairy thighs, but if women have one hair on our body that isn’t on our head it’s disgusting. #zaynmalik #zayn #malik #harrystyles #harry #styles #niallhoran #niall #horan #onedirection #one #direction #1d #onedirectionthirst #zaynthirst #harrythirst #niallthirst 1w

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fakelimanpayne all boobs are good boobs
all stomachs are good stomachs
all thighs are good thighs
all bodies are good bodies
yes yours, too, and don’t you forget it

#louistomlinson #louis #tomlinson #tommo #onedirection #one #direction #1d #onedirectionthirst #louisthirst #louisappreciationday THEM BICEPS THO BANG ME AGAINST THE WALL AND CALL ME TICKLED FUZZY PINK BUBBLEGUM
1w

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fakelimanpayne This week is the last week I'll be "normal" because I'm getting tested for cancer again next week or the week after and if I have it there goes everything I've fought for. So if I don't post well, you know why. 2w

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fakelimanpayne I hate the Kim Kardashian game now. Level 20 is messed up so you can't pass "go on 3 dates 0/3" and when you do go on dates it legit stays on 0/3 even after you've been on more than 3. All I've been doing for 2 days is gifting people because level 20 isn't working and I can't play the game so there's that. I bought everything so now I own every clothing, accessory and hair. And I got a lot of gifts from some of my followers so thank you all for that!!! I'm gonna spend the rest of my night reading blurbs, au meme's and listening to Cher Lloyd. Maybe I'll gift some more people on the game tonight. ((Also, I really feel like a Harry account wtf lmao.)) #harrystyles #harry #styles #onedirection #one #direction #1d #harrythirst #onedirectionthirst 2w

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fakelimanpayne My throat hurts so bad and I want my voice back. After it's been gone for 5 months I think I deserve it back now, don't you?

favorite song atm? mine is Don't by Ed Sheeran or Nina by him.

comment a orange emoji!! 🌞 #ashtonirwin #ashton #irwin #calumhood #calum #hood #5secondsofsummer #5sos #5sauce #onedirection #one #direction #edsheeran #1d #5secondsofsummerthirst #ashtonthirst #calumthirst #happy18thbirthdayluke
2w
  •   _kadaline_ Disenchanted- MCR or Photograph- Ed 2w
  •   siofra_conroy Social Casualty- 5sos or End up Here- 5sos 2w
  •   janixkay 2w
  •   mekdezz__ YES YOU DONT DESERVE THIS IM PRAYING FOR IM SO SORRY @fakelimanpayne 2w
  •   allyson_oliver Please don't kill yourself2w
  •   rjpops Ok so you deleted the post but that thought is still in your head. You won't be able to speak at all. Please don't kill yourself, you are worth more no matter how irrational that may seem sometimes. Because it is impossible to realize how much we and you are actually worth. You have a purpose, and I'm sure you have many more problems other than your struggle to speak. But those problems are just a reminder that this isn't home- and I do not mean to kill yourself and go "home", because at your point in life right now you won't go there. Just please know that God loves you- even if that doesn't seem possible. I love you, and I will always be here you. 2w

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fakelimanpayne FUCK THIS KIM KARDASHIAN GAME I CANT WITH IT IVE BEEN PLAYING ALL DAY I WANT TO STOP!!!!!!!! BUT IVE BEEN GIFTING A LOT OF PEOPLE HOPE YOU ALL LIKE THEM !!!!!! ok what other games are you addicted to??????? #harrystyles #harry #styles #hazza #onedirection #one #direction #harrythirst #onedirectionthirst #1d 2w

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fakelimanpayne THIS KIM K GAME IS SO ADDICTING AND FUN AND I GIFTED SO MANY OF MY FRIENDS ON THE game and I just really love it okay.

Harry is me these past few days sorry I haven't been on been so busy but ily and my voice isn't doing much better but I'm hanging in there
#harrystyles #harry #styles #hazza #onedirection #one #direction #1d #harrythirst #onedirectionthirst
2w

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fakelimanpayne IM ADDICTED TO THIS KIM K GAME AND I AM NOT PROUD OF IT FML!!!!!!! Harry Styles or Zayn Malik?

#harrystyles #harry #styles #hazza #onedirection #one #direction #1d #onedirectionthirst #harrythirst
3w

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fakelimanpayne I feel like I'm a Harry account sometimes because I post a lot of Harry. I need to find good Liam pictures!! QOTN: Have you ever been shipped by me? If you have, say YES if you haven't say NO! And even if you have and still want another tell me you've already been shipped but you want another and I'll do it! Make sure you like this picture and the picture before it. Cheers!

#harrystyles #harry #styles #hazza #onedirection #one #direction #1d #onedirectionthirst #harrythirst
3w

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fakelimanpayne imagine harry coming home after playing football with the boys and he’d be all sweaty with his hair pushed back and he’d walk over and capture your lips in his and mumble in your ear how he’d missed you all days and that he’d been fighting a boner down and you’d grin and kiss down his happy trail and suck him off while he leans against the fridge and pants loudly.
#harrystyles #harry #styles #hazza #onedirection #one #direction #1d #harrythirst #onedirectionthirst
3w

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fakelimanpayne Tomorrow I have speech therapy and I know this might be too much to ask for from some of you but if you could keep me in mind. If my therapists says I've improved I won't have to go to therapy anymore and my voice would be back. It's still very weak but it's a lot louder than I usually am. I am so thankful I got to experience this problem, because the five months in which I've lost my voice, I learned who my true friends are and I learned who I was as a person. It's coming down to it soon where I won't have therapy anymore and I won't have anyone teaching me how to talk again and I have to learn it all on my own. This experience has made me stronger and I cannot voice how crAzy it's been these past five months not having my voice. So, thank you to all my followers and friends who have been there from day one. To the people who care about my updates and the people who take the time to comment and ask how I am or send me DM's to tell me to get better. It's rounding the time where I am getting better and it's getting closer to me knowing why I've been this sick and if it'll ever turn into cancer down the road. It's great knowing I have such a wide backbone to lean on when I feel I have no one. Please keep me in mind (If you don't want to pray it's totally fine.) Just keep me in mind. I'm hoping my therapist says I'm fine this month and I won't have to visit anymore. All I want is for my voice to rest and for people to not look at me weird because I can't talk like them. Yes, I lost my voice, and yes, I am trying to gain confidence in talking to my friends and family. I am gaining confidence in who I am since this ordeal and I cannot be happier in that. #harrystyles #harry #styles #onedirection #one #direction #1d #onedirection #harrythirst 3w

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fakelimanpayne you never realize how boring your life is until someone asks what you like to do for fun. "what do you like to do for fun?"
"umm, blog?" #niallhoran #niall #horan #onedirection #one #direction #1d #niallthirst #onedirectionthirst
3w

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fakelimanpayne I CAME ON HERE TO HAVE A GOOD TIME AND IM FEELING VERY EMOTIONAL RIGHT NOW WHO WOULD dO SOMETHING LIKE THIS FUCK YOu 3w

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