elise_schmitt Either hipsters are living to 85 or I just saw Ukraine's Santa Claus moshing at The Bottle.
Anyway here I am by a garbage can that matches my morals. #musicfrozendancing #oozingwound #protomartyr
1d

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elise_schmitt Pretty big power move to throw continuous shade at your host when she's letting you crash at her home a week longer than expected, OLIVE. 1d
  •   iamsosorry You have TWO DOGS in your house right now??? 1d
  •   elise_schmitt You know the Pigeon Lady form Home Alone 2? That's me RN but with dogs. @iamsosorry 1d
  •   cpelissero @elise_schmitt you saw home alone 2?! I didn't think anyone did. 1d
  •   elise_schmitt OHMYGOD IT IS IN MY TOP 5 WITH THE FIRST BEING BEETLEJUICE BECAUSE HELLO. Also am a firm believer in Home Alone 2 > Home Alone. Have had many heated debates about this. @cpelissero 1d
  •   cpelissero You redeemed yourself w beetle juice (my moms nickname for my brother "bc you call his name 3 times, he shows up and then you wish he'd go away"). 1d
  •   elise_schmitt It sounds like your mom is my soulmate @cpelissero 1d

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elise_schmitt Noel Gallagher, take a bow. 2d

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elise_schmitt The bad news is that doughnuts are fairly unhealthy for you but the good news is that we're all adults who can do whatever the hell we please so why give a shit? #dorite 2d

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elise_schmitt Look at and enjoy these beautiful tulips that are technically already dead, you monster.
Have a nice day
6d

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elise_schmitt Same. 6d

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elise_schmitt Not pictured: My horrendous personality 1w

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elise_schmitt If Pitbull can be a musician then so can I. 1w

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elise_schmitt Just told these dogs how much they could be saving on car insurance by switching to Geico. 1w

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Normal Elise Schmitt

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elise_schmitt Today was a good day. 1w

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elise_schmitt 1w

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elise_schmitt If you're reading this it's too late because I prob just got cursed by this Egyptian cat. #cursed 1w

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elise_schmitt IF YOU GUYS MISSED THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT, HERE YOU GO. 1w

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elise_schmitt Sexy selfies with Sue. #SexySelfieWithSue 1w

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elise_schmitt And here is what appears to be the ~Frenchman~ I get to boss around all weekend. #bluesteel #nevernude #dogsittingforapsychopath 1w

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elise_schmitt 😕 2w

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elise_schmitt Don't care if it's ~cheesy~ I will love this stupid holiday forever so haters, left #nailedit #sorry #pizzapizza #valentinesday 2w

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